


Why I Left Everything Behind and Moved Into a Van

by DeepBlueSkies



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I DONT MAKE THE RULES, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), She-Ra is a golden retriever in this fic, Slow Burn, adora and catra are useless pining lesbians, best friends to enemies to lovers, but i wrote it anyway because im gay, catradora, did i mention im gay, ill let you guess, rated M for language only, scorpia is baby, some of this happened in real life, the van life AU no one wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:02:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22745230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepBlueSkies/pseuds/DeepBlueSkies
Summary: Hey, Adora.Adora can’t believe it. She knew something felt off about this whole thing and now she knows why— Catra is here! Why is Catra here of all the places in the world she could be, why is she here where Adora is? What are the odds? She loses track of Catra after their fallout and now she’s suddenly here, in the flesh! Adora looks like someone who just walked in on something intimate— her face red, her expression wide-eyed and stupefied.---When Catra decided to move into her van and work a seasonal position at a campground, the last person she expected to see was Adora. After a fallout three years ago, will they be able to pick up the pieces? Or are they doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past and surrender to a universe that seems hellbent on keeping them apart?-OR-The Van Life/outdoor AU that absolutely no one asked for.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 29
Kudos: 179





	Why I Left Everything Behind and Moved Into a Van

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I wrote this in a week. I'm gay. Some of this stuff happened IRL. Shadow Weaver is mean.
> 
> Rated M for: implied references to child abuse; one drug reference; language; and one steamy (but not NSFW) scene. 
> 
> Shout-out to @dear_universe for beta-ing this! You rock :)
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Anyway, enjoy!

**Present Day // February 10th**

Today is a big day. 

Today is a really big day. 

Today’s outcome will set the course for the rest of her life. That is huge. That is scary. And it’s happening right now. 

She can feel her foot tapping against the floor in an erratic rhythm with no tempo or pattern. Catra is nervous and rightfully so. This is her make it or break it moment and holy shit why is she so _nervous?_ She knew this would be hard but she didn’t think it would be _this_ hard. Damn.

_‘Don’t screw it up like you do everything else.’_

_You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore._

One of them takes a sip from their coffee mug and places it gently on the large table that separates them. Two pairs of eyes lock with hers and she instantly feels more vulnerable than a sheared lamb. She crosses her right elbow over her stomach and tries to take shallow breaths. She hated sitting across from people like this.

_It’s okay, you know them, they’re not monsters, they’re just people, damn it._

_‘They’re already judging you— can you not feel it?’_

_Alright, you’re really going to have to stop. They’re not judging me or making fun of me, they’re just waiting!_

“So why the sudden visit? Not that we mind!” they asked. But before Catra can answer, the other person asks an odd question.

“Before we get into that, I just have to ask— why did you move into a van?”

Of all the questions she expected this is the last one she prepped for. As she thinks about it more, though, she smiles and realizes this couldn’t be a more perfect question.

Catra relaxes and lets her charisma take over.

“Alright. But this is gonna be a long one, and I’m gonna tell you _everything_ and I’m not gonna shorten it or leave out a single detail— ok, maybe some details— because every single bit is important!” she takes a deep breath, “That okay?” 

They nod, eager to hear her answer. She clears her throat, ready to tell the most important story she would ever need to tell.

“So I was 24, right, and…”

**Summer // 2.5 Years Ago**

**Day 1**

It’s around 10AM. For some mysterious reason, there’s a crowd of people already rustling about. She hates waking up on other people’s terms. Catra releases a long and lazy yawn as she stretches with the flexibility and finesse of a cat. She dons a pair of tight-fitting olive green climbing joggers, a beige t-shirt and brown sandals, then ties her hair up in a messy bun, letting her loose bangs and tufts frame her heart-shaped face.

“Ugh, why is it a zoo already,” she checks her watch, “And it’s not even noon yet!”

Catra doesn’t enjoy people. Specifically, she doesn’t enjoy crowds. Some people she can tolerate. Some people she can like. But crowds are a cut and dry no-go, a hard pass. She stands up and turns on the portable stove to heat up water. Today will be a long day; instant coffee it is. She slides the van door open and does some more stretches now that she’s outside. This is her favorite part of the morning— the sun hitting her skin, her muscles warming up, her nose picking up the scent of pines, burning wood and crisp mountain air. These are the moments that remind her she’s alive, that she’s not just alive, but thriving, experiencing the world and not just living in it for borrowed time. No, she makes the most of it and she does things on her terms, the world be damned. 

A moderate distance away she spots Scorpia making an announcement to a group of people. This must be the big group they were expecting. _Wonderful._

Catra checks the schedule for the day— just one midday activity and then she’ll be free to do whatever the hell she wants. She just has to make it through the activity. Which shouldn’t be too hard because the activity is slacklining and balance is her _thing_. Catra has collected a plethora of hobbies and recreational sports since she started living on the road: rock-climbing; bouldering; high-lining; surfing; backpacking, and other random things. She takes on odd jobs and seasonal work wherever she ends up; she doesn't like staying in one place for too long. 

Her life went on this trajectory around a year after she graduated with a Bachelor's in Finance & Business Administration. It seemed like a great idea at the time but when she actually jumped in and landed a significantly important position at The Eternia Group upon graduation, she found that everything was less colorful and didn't mean as much than...back when _she_ was still around. 

_‘She left you, why are you still thinking of her? She doesn’t even think of you.’_

_Yeah, and? I’m over it._

_‘You always were better at running away.’_

_Of course I was, I lived with you! And look where I live now. I live wherever I want, whenever I want— lady, I’m running away_ every day! 

She had a complicated relationship with that woman. Even years later, even now her influence still has a grip on her subconscious. She did a couple of years of therapy while she was in undergrad while licking her wounds from _her_ betrayal; it helped Catra come to terms with some of her unresolved traumas and develop healthier coping mechanisms. 

_No, stop thinking about the past. Move forward, don’t look back._

A year had passed at The Eternia Group and she realized that none of it was what she wanted. She vented to Scorpia, her best friend and confidant whom Catra grew close with after she and Adora self-destructed. Scorpia suggested they take a road trip to clear their heads. Catra was skeptical— but she was also desperate for some semblance of hope. She agreed.

The second they returned from their travels Catra started planning out her expenses, working out the logistics of getting rid of all her larger possessions and securing a big enough van to convert into a mobile living space. She felt something on that trip— a spark she wasn’t going to let burn out. No, she needed to go for it. She had a great paying job now— she could easily cut down on costs and just save an entire year’s worth of money so that she could have a better handle on what she would do for work without stressing out. Yes, it was a solid idea. She went all in. What did she have to lose?

_So far, so good._

Her nomadic lifestyle ends up being exactly what she needs and for once, life is great. It’s summer, it’s warm, she can do whatever she wants; nothing can ruin this moment. Nothing except— 

A slender muscular blonde with a ponytail and hair poof crosses her line of vision from a distance. 

_Oh you’ve got to be fucking kidding me._

_—_

This is a disaster. She doesn’t want to be here— she has almost no service, no contact with the outside world, little to no control over anything but herself for the next seven days. Seven days. Does she have to be here for seven days?! Adora can’t believe it. The worst part is that this is a mandatory company-sponsored retreat for all leadership roles— meaning she can’t leave even if she wants to! The only way out of here is on the same shuttle that brought them here (in seven days) or hitchhiking along a winding road in the middle of— wait, where are they again? — and risk becoming one of _those_ headlines: 

_White Woman Goes Missing in the Sierra Nevada_

She really doesn’t feel like dying this week so she sucks in a deep breath and lets Glimmer’s positive thinking rub off on her. Or tries to, anyway. The shuttle goes from maneuvering a smooth paved road to wrestling with gravel, making the slow, agonizing way to the top very uncomfortable considering she’s needed to use the restroom for the past two hours; she insisted on staying hydrated (she didn’t think that one through). 

The shuttle pulls up to a lush area teeming with yurts and portable buildings. There is one large permanent building— the rest are either yurts, wooden canvas tents, or smaller wooden buildings on risers. Adora bolts off to her and Glimmer’s yurt as soon as they check-in, not eager to make small talk while she’s on a mission to finally relieve herself. When she returns, Glimmer is lying on one of the two beds, enthusiastically admiring their accommodations. 

“I can’t believe we’re really here!” the pink-haired girl hops and shouts so loudly Adora swears one of her eardrums ruptured.

Adora feigns excitement when in reality she’s anxious. “Yeah!” she fidgets, “How exciting...definitely can’t wait for all the things and the uh, team-building!”

Glimmer stares at her, unamused. “Adora, look, I get it. I know being away is hard for you and I know how hard it is to trust other people with your job!” she explains softly, “But that doesn’t mean you should let it control you. I know it’s easier said than done, but please try? For me?” she pleads, “And you never know, you might find something you didn’t know you were looking for! That stuff always happens in random little places like these.”

Adora grins. She has a point— why let it control her? She doesn’t get to venture out too often: between living in the city, immersing herself in her work and her strict workout regimen, she doesn’t get to venture out at all, really. She decides to make the most of this team-building retreat— no, _vacation_ — and relax. Good things only. Only good things.

_I can do this. I can totally do this!_

It’s only 10 AM and the retreat facilitators waste no time in getting everyone prepared for the coming week. A muscular white-haired woman emerges from one of the wooden buildings. 

“Hey every— is this thing on,” she whispers as she fumbles with a small device attached to her belt, “Hey Perfuma I don’t think this thing’s—” 

_**EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE** _

The high-pitched noise practically deafens the area.

“Sorry! My bad! Sorry— anyways, alright well, at least this thing’s working,” she takes a deep breath. “Hey everybody, I’m Scorpia, the lead staff person or whatever you wanna call me! You’re probably wondering why you’re all here, and I’ll tell you, you’re in for a treat!” She gives the crowd an enormous toothy smile. “We at the Plumerian Sanctuary are so excited for our seven days together. Seven days! With me! And you with me! And with this beautiful girl!” she says as she hears a door open behind her.

The tall woman squeals in excitement as a golden retriever with a red bandana bursts from the main building. “And this majestic being’s name is She-Ra. Feel free to give her lots of pats— she loves being touched and cuddled!” Scorpia scratches the back of She-Ra’s ears and the canine’s leg shakes uncontrollably. “The schedule is on the welcome paperwork in your rooms. The first activity starts after lunch. See you there!” The woman takes the golden retriever inside the main building and the group scatters.

Bow and Glimmer move closer and talk about their potential plans for the evening.

“We have all this extra time after the activities! Isn’t that great?! We can all bond,” he coos with such an innocent wide-eyed grin that Adora can’t help but smile.

She’s grateful she works with her best friends from university— well, it also helps that Glimmer’s mother is the CEO of Etheria Industries Inc., but that’s not to say that Adora didn’t earn her position. They decide to take a walk on one of the many dirt paths around them. She doesn’t notice the pair of different colored eyes staring at her.

—

Catra won’t let Adora ruin this moment. Plus, it was a long time ago and Catra is a different person now. She will try her hardest to make the best out of this situation. 

The group activity begins and everyone starts off with a basic series of stretches. Catra hangs out in the back, not wanting to make her presence known until she absolutely needs to. 

“Alright, that’s it for stretching! Let me introduce you to your facilitator for today— Catra!” Perfuma says, a bit too eager for her liking. 

At that name, Adora flinches. Catra notices and revels in it.

_Too easy._

“Hey. I’m Catra and I’m gonna be going over some balancing tips before we get onto the main thing or whatever. Anyone have any questions?” She stares at the group and finally meets the gaze of a very confused blue-eyed blonde. 

_Hey, Adora._

Adora can’t believe it. She knew something felt off about this whole thing and now she knows why— Catra is here! Why is Catra here of all the places in the world she could be, why is she here where Adora is? What are the odds? She loses track of Catra after their fallout and now she’s suddenly here, in the flesh! Adora looks like someone who just walked in on something intimate— her face red, her expression wide-eyed and stupefied.

_Why is Catra here?!_

The group activity begins. Allegedly, the point of this exercise is to get comfortable with themselves. With Catra here that’s not happening for Adora, at least, not any time soon. Bow puts his hand on her shoulder and notices her mortified expression.

“You okay, Adora? You look like you’re gonna puke,” he mumbles with concern.

 _No, I’m not okay_ , she thinks. _My ex-best friend and I that have known each other our whole lives and have pretty much been inseparable since we first met had a falling out and I lost touch with her and I’ve missed her this whole time and now she’s here._

“Yeah, just tired from the trip is all,” she says pointedly as she sips water.

Glimmer picks up on her strange body language and immediately suspects something but decides not to press the issue. “Well, if you do need to talk about something, you know Bow and I are always here for you!”

Adora smiles. She has amazing friends. “Thanks, you guys are the best,” she says as she pulls them both into a brief group hug. 

“Okay, so your first reflex will be to look down at your feet,” she begins, “But you need to break that habit because it’ll only help you get past the first few times.” Catra effortlessly prances on the taut line strung across trees around a hundred feet apart. The line is usually rigged with less tension, and therefore, more challenging— today, it is a few notches tighter so that the beginners can get acquainted. She lifts one of her legs in the air and holds it behind her head. Adora stiffens.

Catra decides to put an end to the theatrics and get the day over with. “You want to look up and set a center point for yourself to balance around. Use your arms to leverage gravity and remember to use your core, not just your legs.” 

They each take turns standing up on the line, Catra holding their hands through their first time. When the time comes for Adora to walk, Catra shows off her signature devious smile. 

“Hey, Adora. Miss me?” she asks coyly. This is going to be fun.

Adora is flustered. Why is this happening? Which celestial being did she piss off now? “Catra.” She’s nervous, anxious. 

“Give me your hand,” Catra demands. Adora blushes. Does she have to hold her hand? She hasn’t seen Catra in years and the first thing she has to do is hold her hand— fantastic. 

Adora takes her hand and attempts to stand on the slackline. She almost succeeds but is reminded that the hand she’s holding is Catra’s and she unceremoniously loses her balance. She’s about to fall backwards when she feels herself being pulled in instead. Catra smirks and Adora is once again flustered. 

“You didn’t think I would let you fall, did you?” Catra asks, “Come on, I wouldn’t let you embarrass yourself in front of your new friends,” the last bit laced with a hint of venom. 

Adora doesn’t have time to notice the jab— her face is inches from Catra’s, their bodies are close and for a second it’s just like when they were kids, attached at the hip and looking out for one another like their life depended on it. Sometimes, it did. She snaps out of her daze.

“I don’t know, I figured you wouldn’t pass up a chance to embarrass me,” she retorts, “but...thanks.” 

A sneeze from behind then sucks them back into reality as the pair realize they aren’t the only ones there. Scorpia clears her throat and raises an eyebrow at Catra. They are going to talk about this later. Catra is not looking forward to it. 

The activity continues on normally and soon everyone is comfortable enough to stand up on their own. They move onto the next step, which is actually walking on the line. As the world around her moves, Adora can’t help but focus her gaze on Catra. She’s different— her jaw is sharper, her hair more untamed in a good way, her shoulders broader than she remembers. Catra has always had a slender physique that was more muscle than anything else— it suited her well. Adora wonders what Catra’s been doing to tone her muscles more than she remembered, not that Adora used to stare or anything. 

When everyone is finished, Scorpia dismisses them to do as they please for the rest of the day. 

“Hope you liked this because there’s a whole lot more where that came from! Gosh, you all did so great— give yourselves a pat on the back. She-Ra didn’t they do great? Yes, they did,” she smiles at the golden retriever. 

Catra slips on her sandals and packs up the slackline. She’s ready to retreat to the comfort of her van when she sees Adora strolling over. 

“If you wanna hang out with me all you have to do is ask,” Catra says slyly. 

Adora stops and pauses. “I just can’t believe you’re here of all places, is all,” she sighs. 

“Yeah, well, you’d probably know if you didn’t leave.” 

And there it is. She didn’t think it would come up this soon, but the elephant in the room is officially out of the corner. 

“Catra that was three years ago!” 

“And?”

Adora stops. How did things get so messy? She didn’t even come here to hash out old arguments or dig up the past— she’s here because she is an overachiever and she can’t stand how bad she is at slacklining. 

“Catra, I didn’t come over here to argue. I actually…” she pauses and crosses her arms to hug herself, “I actually want you to help me with...whatever this is. It’s fun but I’m bad at it and you know how I get when I’m bad at things!”

Catra knows. Catra’s lived it. 

“So what you’re saying is,” she walks up to Adora and puffs her chest up slightly, “you need me.” 

Adora grumbles. “I— I just don’t want to fall behind. Bow is already so good at this and we started at the same time!” She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. Damn it. “So yes, I do need you. To teach me. And help me get better at this thing.” 

Catra grins. “That’s more like it, Princess.” Uh oh. She slipped up. No going back now.

Adora pretends not to notice the old nickname, the ghost of familiarity brushing them both. She smirks back and places her hands on her hips. “Well?”

“Demanding much? Let me set it up again.” 

Catra sets up the line. Adora walks over and gives it a tug; it’s looser than it was earlier. 

“Catra is it supposed to be this loose?” she asks innocently. She’s shell-shocked when Catra glares at her. 

“Oh, my bad, not good enough for ya?” She snorts.

“Catra that’s not— that’s not what I mean!” 

_‘Nothing you do will ever be good enough.’_

_That’s not true— she just noticed that it’s not as tight that’s all._

Catra’s glare fades away as quickly as it comes. “I’m just messing with you. Yeah, it’s a bit looser because it’s harder to balance it this way.”

Adora is confused— why would she run before she could walk? 

“And before you ask me why, it’s because I know you’ll get the hang of it anyway. You were always a fast learner,” Catra says casually.

Catra steps on the line and begins crouching repeatedly; she turns and jumps to face the other way, still perfectly balanced on the line. Adora stares in wide-eyed amazement; for a moment, she is intimidated and a little envious at how easy Catra makes this look. Then again, she was always light on her feet. 

Adora remembers when they were kids. 

They didn’t have many activities in the home— Weaver was stingy with anything fun related. She and Catra often made up games or ventured around to pass the time. One time they found a unique looking tree and Catra decided she wanted to climb it. She made her way up with catlike grace; when she reached the tallest branch that could support her weight, Adora’s eyes widened as she realized Catra was standing up and trying to balance herself.

_“Catra I don’t know if that’s a good idea—” she warned._

_“What’s wrong, Princess, you scared of trees?” Catra cackled._

_N-no! But Weaver—”_

_“ — will only find out if you tell! Now get up here before I have to kick your butt!”_

_Adora nodded and started climbing. Everything was okay— until she lost her balance and fell._

_That’s how Adora got her first sprain. Weaver was not happy; she was the golden child, the favorite, and now she was injured._

_Catra rushed down to her in a panic and immediately grabbed Adora’s arm and put it over her shoulder. They walked back home. Weaver’s eyes widened in shock and she muttered curses under her breath as she grabbed ice for Adora. Catra slowly curled into herself as if bracing for what was coming next._

_Adora didn’t see Catra for the rest of the evening, nor did she come to bed that night._

“— hey genius, anyone in there?” Catra is in her face now. Catra is inches away. Catra is— 

She snaps out of her daze, “Sorry, yea, it’s just, this reminded me of something.” Adora prepares to stand. She takes off her shoes and presses down on the line to get a feeling for it. 

“Don’t overthink it,” Catra interrupts. She forgets that Catra knows her, understands her. It’s as if nothing ever changed and the fallout never happened. “Have some confidence in your step.” She extends her hand. “So I’m gonna hold out my hand but I want you to rely on it as little as possible. But if you start falling I’m right here, okay?”

The tenderness in Catra’s voice catches her by surprise. She’s filled with a sudden rush of courage and confidence as she moves to stand on the line. She gets it on her first try.

“See? You don’t even need me, Princess,” she laughs, “Now do it again.”

They continue this for the next two hours, Catra constantly reminded of how quick her former friend picks up on anything remotely athletic. Adora adapts quickly and before she knows it she can take four steps by herself without falling. It also helps that Adora has an _extremely_ strong core and powerful toned legs, the fruits of her fitness routine and healthy eating paying off.

Realizing that it’s almost time for dinner and how much time has passed, the two women part ways and Adora heads back to her yurt. She, Bow, and Glimmer make their way over to the main building, where they help themselves to the buffet-style meal. Everyone from her company seems to click together more than before and it is only the first day! While she doesn’t know everyone, Adora thinks it’s nice that the company is making efforts to bring everyone closer together despite working in different departments. She watches as Seahawk throws a carrot at Mermista, the latter groaning and flicking the carrot to the floor.

“Oh my god you’re so annoying,” the blue-haired woman growls, “Who let him come?!”

Glimmer and Bow start teasing them about how obvious it is that they like each other but refuse to outright admit it. 

“I mean, one day you know it’s just going to happen, right?” asks Bow, “You can only run from love for so long!” he stands up and rests one leg on the bench, his left arm up in the air as if pointing towards the sky. 

“Uggggh,” groans Mermista.

-

Although the atmosphere is playful, Adora finds herself zoning out, her thoughts focusing on one person in particular. She finishes her plate and heads outside to get some fresh air.

As she wanders around aimlessly, a movement in the corner of her eye catches her attention. They lock eyes and Catra starts walking over. 

“Hey, Adora,” she coos. 

She decides to play along. “You know, we keep running into each other— if I didn’t know any better I’d think you like me or something,” Adora teases. 

“Oh don’t flatter yourself,” she says dryly, “I go for walks sometimes. You just happened to be here.”

Adora has a strong urge to walk with her but isn’t sure if it’s too soon to start falling into old rhythms. She asks anyway.

“I wanted some air so I came outside—” she pauses, steps closer, and rubs the back of her head, “I can, you know...walk with you. If you want!” She feels her face heating up. 

Catra giggles—“You can just say you wanna walk with me Adora, I don’t bite,” she teases, “...hard.” She gestures to a path behind the main building.

Adora falls into step with Catra, unconsciously matching Catra’s pace as she used to when they were younger. They walk down the path for around ten minutes before Catra decides to sit on a couch-shaped rock. The rock is large enough to fit three people if they really want to, but perfect for two bodies with a desire to stay close but still have some distance between. 

They sit in silence for a few minutes before Catra speaks up.

“I thought I’d never see you again,” she sighs with a hint of melancholy and longing. 

Adora turns and their eyes meet. “Me too.”

They sit there for a few more minutes, taking in the atmosphere, the light breeze tickling their hair, the ground crunching as creatures of all sizes wander around. 

“I missed you, Catra.”

Catra turns away and shifts her gaze towards the sky. “I missed you too, Princess.” 

Neither of them knows how to navigate this new dynamic; they’re both completely different people and yet still the same at their core. Adora wants to know how Catra ended up here of all places, wants to know about her new hobbies and definitely wants to know what her workout routine is because her legs are _flawless_. She wants to know what happened after... _that._

Catra wants to talk to Adora, she wants to ask her about everything, about her career, about her life after…

_Don’t dwell on it. Just start fresh._

Catra takes a quick breath.

“You know, my first time on a slackline I tried showing off to impress someone. Spoiler: I didn’t,” she jokes. 

Adora can work with this— a blend of the new Catra mixed in with the heart of the persona she is familiar with and cares for so deeply. 

“Oh yea?” she giggles, “what’d you do, fall on your ass?” 

Catra replies matter-of-factly, “Actually I saw a bee, freaked out and next thing I knew I was face down with a broken nose. Pretty fun stuff,” she laughs. She misses this. It feels like home again. 

Adora can’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry but, what?! You saw a bee and you just fell? Oh, that’s so much better than the mouse story!” she wheezes as she tries to get a grip on herself. 

“Alright, keep this up and I will make your life a living hell at the next activity!” she teases as she starts poking Adora. 

Adora pokes her back and soon they’re in an all-out poke war, neither relenting and both _extremely_ ticklish; their giggles show no signs of slowing down anytime soon.

 _This is nice,_ Adora thinks. 

It’s 9 o’clock before she knows it. She needs to get back to the yurt before Glimmer worries but the last thing she wants to do is leave when everything is going so well. Catra senses this and makes the decision for her.

“I should sleep— gotta get up somewhat early tomorrow,” Catra says softly.

“Yea, I should, uh...I should also get going. Glimmer might freak out.”

“I’ll walk you back— I can’t just leave you at Glitter’s mercy,” she cackles.

“Her name is Glimmer and hmm, Catra, I mean, you can just say you wanna walk with me,” she teases with a smug grin and an eyebrow raised. 

Catra scoffs. “You wish! I just wouldn’t want you getting lost, that’s all.” She definitely doesn’t want to walk her back because she cares or anything. What would give off that idea?

“Well, if you insist, then yes, you can walk me back,” softness reflected in her voice.

They walk side by side closer than on their journey to the rock. Adora’s fingers brush Catra’s wrist and Adora tries to hide her shiver— what on Earth is happening? 

_Get it together, Adora, you just miss her, that’s all._

The pair arrives at Adora’s yurt, neither of them wanting to say goodbye but realizing that they still have another six days to explore their newfound _whatever_ this is. Adora is about to give Catra a goodbye hug when the door bursts open and the moment goes up in smoke.

“Adora! Where were you?! We were so worried and— oh, hey,” Glimmer notices Catra next to Adora. “You two bonded quickly—” she extends her hand and introduces herself— “I’m Glimmer.”

Catra puts on her best do-not-kill-the-small-human smile she can summon, annoyed that this tiny pink-haired gremlin interrupted whatever moment she and Adora were about to share. Not that she _actually_ cares, of course.

“I mean, you know who I am. I was helping you all with the slackline,” she replies, “But I’m Catra.” She shakes Glimmer’s hand and takes two steps back.

Adora can sense the tension— in fact, she can sense it so well she wants to take a knife and cut it because it is killing her. She really hopes Glimmer doesn’t refer to herself as— 

“Adora and I have been best friends since college and now we work together!” Glimmer yells, “Pretty cool, huh?” 

_Oh. So this is who replaced me. Really, Adora?_

“Yeah, really neat,” she snaps more harshly than she intends. She looks over at Adora, who is looking at her anxiously. “Anyway, I should go— long day tomorrow and all. Night Sparkles. Night, Adora.”

She walks to her van both happy and bothered.

_‘You didn’t really expect her to wait for you and not get new friends, right?’_

Catra sighs.

_I just didn’t think I’d be replaced so fast._

_-_

Adora returns from the community bathroom feeling fresh and ready for tomorrow’s adventure. The moment she steps back inside, Glimmer is in her face.

“Alright, spill. Did you really find someone to hook up with already?! That’s not the point of this trip, Adora,” she shrieks.

Adora turns beet red. “No that’s not— what?! No! She’s just...she’s an old friend,” she whispers, “We lost touch and I didn’t know she worked here now, so,” she pauses, “yeah, that’s it.”

Glimmer can tell when Adora is lying or holding back but she doesn’t feel like pressing the issue tonight— they’re both tired and have a long day tomorrow.

“Fine, fine. Just, let me know next time you go off on your own?”

Adora sits on her bed and smiles, “Yeah, I can do that.”

The lights go out and the last thing on her mind is the uncontrollable laughter and joy she didn’t think she’d ever feel again.

**Day 2: The Van**

The next day goes by quickly, especially now that Adora has something to look forward to. She’s more upbeat, relaxed and surprisingly...carefree. Glimmer and Bow can hardly recognize this Adora, though Glimmer can think of one reason for her chipper aura. 

The activity for the day is outdoor yoga, which Perfuma is leading. Adora’s expression falters just a bit when she notices that Catra is nowhere around. 

“Okay, everyone take a seat on your mats— we’re going to close our eyes and start with a meditation exercise,” she starts. The group does this for around five minutes— five minutes that feel like an eternity to Adora, though she does find that she is in a calmer state of mind. When she opens her eyes, Catra is standing behind Perfuma, a smug grin plastered on her face. 

The poses and positions get more complex as time goes on and Adora really starts feeling the burn in her core. Catra walks around, making sure people have proper form so they don’t injure themselves. Both women steal glances with increased frequency.

Catra is enjoying this. She did tell Adora that she’d make her life Hell at today’s activity if she didn’t stop poking and this only made Adora do it even more. This is payback— she’s going to tease Adora the way she knows best.

She’s going to torment her from just out of arm’s reach.

Adora is getting ready to do a more complicated pose when she locks eyes with Catra; she falters and nearly tumbles to the ground. She closes her eyes and braces for impact but it never comes— a pair of arms has her safely. 

Catra caught her.

Adora’s face cycles through at least a hundred shades of red before quickly pushing away and returning to her previous position. In the corner of her eye, she catches a glimpse of Catra flashing her a cheeky smile.

_Come on, Adora, get it together!_

Catra hadn’t realized what she was doing until she had a flushing Adora in her arms; her body moved on its own. So much for messing with Adora— all Catra did was _look_ at her and she falls? This woman is a danger to herself without Catra’s help!

The group yoga session progresses and Perfuma has everyone pair up. Their focus at the moment is on ‘harmonious teamwork’ and each new position requires both parties to concentrate and synergize. Some pairs struggle while others seamlessly power through elegantly like a pair of figure skaters that have been partnered for a lifetime. Every few poses they rotate partners to give everyone a chance to interact and work together. 

After a long and grueling day, Perfuma dismisses the group. Adora tries to find Catra but she is nowhere to be found— wait, when did she leave? Adora just wants to find Catra and thank her— not that it’s an excuse to see her or anything like that. 

She heads over to the employee housing area hoping to run into Catra but finds Scorpia instead. Catra and Scorpia seem close, though, so maybe this is the next best thing.

She gets straight to the point. “Hey Scorpia, do you know where Catra went?”

Scorpia grunts as She-Ra tugs her slightly forward in excitement— “Oh, hey, you. Uh, Catra. Yeah, uh Catra is. Well you see, Catra—” 

“If you don’t know, that’s okay, but maybe you can...I don’t know, point to her door?” she asks, motioning to the various employee housing tents.

Scorpia shifts uncomfortably, “Well, I can tell you that she doesn’t live here! And as much as I wish I could I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling you where Catra lives unless she says it’s okay.”

“Yeah, I get it. Thanks anyway, Scorpia,” she nods and smiles as she walks away. Adora understands her reasoning— it’s perfectly valid and she’s happy Catra has a friend that cares enough to check for her consent on such matters. Still, she can’t deny the pit of disappointment in her chest.

_-_

Catra bolts as soon as her shift ends. 

_Adora’s probably going to try to look for me after that— of course she’s gonna make a big deal out of it!_

She doesn’t know why she felt compelled to leave in such a rush, but then again, she doesn’t know what’s happening with her emotions lately either. 

_I can’t believe this is actually happening._

_‘You’re getting attached again but you know she’s going to end up leaving you. She always does.’_

The voice hasn’t bothered her as much since her therapy sessions helped her reframe her perspective and way of thinking. Therapy taught her how to fight against her darkest thoughts. Despite this, they still persist from time to time, but her therapist explained that this is to be expected— after all, trauma doesn’t go away overnight and sometimes it doesn’t go away at all. But even if she never fully heals, she’s no longer defenseless and she’s no longer afraid; she’s a survivor. 

_You don’t know anything._

She spots Scorpia walking She-Ra near the wooded area that leads to her van. 

“Catra!” she yells. She-Ra jumps up in excitement, her tail wagging faster than a hummingbird’s wings.

“Shhh, not so loud!” she yells in a whisper, “I don’t want Adora to know I’m around here right now.”

Scorpia looks confused but nods, “Is everything okay? Did you guys fight? Wait, is this _the_ Adora—”

“ _SCORPIA_ ,” she yells again and then— “Yes, everything’s _fine_ , no we didn’t fight and _yes_ how many other people name their fucking kids _Adora._ ”

Scorpia opens her mouth to say something but then stops herself— “You know, that’s, that’s a really, really good point. And the answer is, I do not know but—”

“Scorpia, I didn’t actually _ask_ you,” she says. Feeling guilty, she softens her expression, “Look, I need a small favor from you— if Adora asks where I am, don’t tell her. Don’t even tell her where I live.”

Scorpia raises an eyebrow, “I won’t but are you sure hiding is gonna solve anything? I mean, it does solve some things...actually it kind of solves everything— NO, hiding is a short-term solution that is unsustainable—” she clasps her hands over her mouth, “I’m rambling aren’t I?”

Catra sighs. “It’s not forever. I just need to think. I think.”

Scorpia nods, “You got it, Wildcat.” She is a good friend. She is the best friend ever. She’s not going to tell Adora _anything_!

Catra gives her a toothy smile, her sharp canines showing, “Thanks, Scorp. I’ll see you later.”

Catra is on her way home to take a nap when she feels something tug at her heartstrings. This feeling is familiar— an emptiness she can’t describe and not one of dread or despair but one of a missing puzzle piece, the _final_ puzzle piece. 

_What is this? What’s happening to me?_

Her pulse speeds up as memories from the last two days play on loop like a never-ending montage, an emotional slideshow. Did she really miss Adora this much? 

Out of nowhere, she’s hit with a hurricane of resolve.

_Scorpia’s right— hiding isn’t the answer._

-

Adora makes her way back to her yurt, sighing in defeat when a blob of wild hair moves into her line of sight. The universe is on her side right now— she was looking for Catra and just when all hope seemed lost, here she is!

“Hey, Adora.”

There it is. The flutter. Two words. Two words that get her _every single time_ and she still has no idea why. 

“Catra,” Adora says, “I’ve been looking for you.”

Catra gets closer, “Figured you would. Why do you think I’m here?” She smirks, “Some things never change huh, Princess.”

Adora’s breath catches in her throat. “Yeah, well I, uh— I just wanted to say thanks. For earlier. You know, when I—”

“ — almost ate shit? Yeah, that was great,” Catra cackles, hiding her bashfulness and using every ounce of willpower to not make a fool of herself.

Adora is not amused. “Well, yeah. Thanks—”

“Don’t let it get to your head,” Catra interrupts, “It’s not because I like you.”

Now it’s Adora’s turn to smirk. “Oh yeah? I don’t know Catra, kind of seems like you do…”

_Don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it, don’t say it—_

“Maybe I do— maybe I don’t,” she replies neutrally. _What are you doing?_

Sensing the shifting atmosphere, Adora takes her cue to leave. “Well, I should get going. But really, thanks, Catra.” 

Adora starts walking away when she feels something pull her back. 

_Wait—_

Catra’s hand forms a mind of its own and grabs Adora’s wrist, freezing her in place— they lock eyes, neither saying a word as time stands still, until, “Come with me.”

Adora looks down at her wrist and then back up at Catra. “Okay.” 

They walk side by side until they reach a dirt road that leads to a denser area of forest. Catra pulls a green bandana out of her pocket. “Do you trust me?”

Adora raises an eyebrow, “Yeah, but why are you asking me— wait,” she eyes the bandana, and puts the pieces together, “You’re taking me where you live and you don’t want me to see the way there!”

Catra stays quiet. Then— 

“ _HAHAHAHAHA!_ ” she roars, “Really, Adora?! What do you think I am, a freaking serial killer?!” 

Adora creases her brow and shrieks, “What’s so funny?! Why else would you need _that?_ ”

Still cackling, Catra says, “Adora— we’re at the only dirt road in the area. We’re basically already here!” she screeches and then pauses, “Maybe I just wanted to surprise you.”

 _Well, I definitely didn’t expect that,_ Adora thinks. She smiles in admiration, “Yeah, I trust you.”

—

When Catra removes the blindfold, Adora doesn’t even know how to react. In front of her stands a maroon van that’s been modified and built out to the moon and back. Catra slides the door open and Adora can see that the inside is basically a home— it has a portable sink, refrigerator, and stove. Every single inch of space serves a purpose; there are cabinets, shelves, and drawers everywhere. When she looks to her left, she sees Catra’s bed. The interior is comprised of a light gray wood with dark trimming. Adora spots drawers under the bed and realizes that Catra really went all out with storage. 

“Catra this is amazing,” she wonders, her eyes still wide with admiration.

“Thanks, but I didn’t actually build this out, just told ‘em how I wanted it done,” Catra replies nonchalantly, “I paid a couple of Scorpia’s friends to help me out with it,” she taps on a countertop, “They did a pretty good job, I think.” 

She _thinks?_ Adora can’t believe this is where Catra lives. She’s stuck in a trance— Catra is something different, something about her consumes Adora, crawls under her skin and pierces the deepest, darkest depths of her being with an energy she didn’t know existed. _Is this allowed? Is she allowed to be so...Catra?!_

“Adora?” 

Adora recollects herself. “Sorry! I’m just tired— this is really amazing though Catra, I—” she smiles fondly and searches for the right words. “I’m really proud of you.”

Catra sits on her bed and invites Adora to follow. It’s surprisingly comfortable and Adora can see why this living arrangement is perfect for someone as adventurous as Catra— the ability to leave at a moment’s notice and not have to worry about being homesick or paying overpriced rent, the amount of freedom and choices she has— the thought tugs at something deep in Adora’s heart, but she doesn’t let it hamper her mood. 

Adora stares at the ceiling, “Can I ask you something?” 

Catra sits up and Adora fears she’s ruined the moment when she realizes Catra is just propping the rear door open so they can bask in the sunset’s golden light. 

Catra settles down on the bed once more and lays on her side, her head propped up on one elbow as she faces Adora. “Ask me.”

Adora adjusts her position so that it mirrors Catra’s. “What made you wanna do this?” 

At first, Catra thinks she has a clear answer but as she tries letting the words out of her mouth she finds herself stuck. She can see the cogs in Adora’s head working to figure out if she touched a nerve with her question.

“Sorry, just need a minute,” Catra laughs, “I don’t usually answer this question completely, to be honest with you.” Catra usually gives a short exaggerated answer about how she just felt inspired and wanted to live life to the fullest without constraints— something similar to that, at least. But this is Adora, and she trusts Adora. She can tell Adora the truth.

Catra recalls a road trip she took with Scorpia, where she fell in love with the rush of not knowing their next destination. Before she knew it, she was making plans to do it full time— starting with saving as much money as she could and selling most of her possessions. Once Catra had everything set in motion, she bought a van and paid Scorpia’s friends to build it out how she wanted; the project took a good-sized chunk of her savings. When Adora asks her what she does for money, she explains that she takes on seasonal work and freelance consulting from time to time.

“But you wanna know the real _real_ reason I did this?” Catra asks out of nowhere.

“I thought you just did...didn’t you?” Adora hesitates.

The sun is setting now and Catra smiles. “Kinda? The real reason— I mean, you know how it was growing up with _her_ and all,” Catra fiddles with her shirt and looks down, “And you remember how I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.”

Adora fills in the gaps and winces at the painful memories. She nods in acknowledgment.

“Well, I ended up getting a really good job in finance and it paid really well,” she frowned, “but it just...it didn’t feel right. I wasn’t happy and I knew it. Talked to Scorp and well, you know what happened.”

Adora rotates her body to lay on her stomach and inches closer to Catra. “Well, you knew it didn’t make you happy and you did something about it,” she smiles. 

Catra returns it. “It didn’t make me happy but it also just felt like I wasn’t doing it for me,” she laments, “I just...I just wanted to be good enough for _her,_ ” Catra leans her head against the van wall, “And I mean, I went to therapy and got a lot better about controlling those thoughts but it still kind of kept going until one day I was just... I was done living with her shadow.” _And yours._

Adora remembers. She wasn’t there for all of it; she was adopted the summer before high school. It pained her to know she was leaving Catra all alone. Fortunately for them, Adora didn’t need to move schools and they were able to graduate together, even go to college together until— 

_Don’t think about that._

Adora snaps out of her runaway train of thought. This is a chance for something new. She doesn’t need to dwell on the past— she just needs to look forward. 

“You’re one of a kind, Catra,” she whispers out of the blue, surprising herself and Catra. “And your new home is very...you. It feels...safe here.”

Catra’s heart skips a beat. With the sunset coming to an end, Catra closes the doors to the van. They talk for hours until they eventually soothe themselves to sleep with the comforting sounds of each other’s slow breaths. 

**Day 3: The Stream**

Adora rolls over and startles awake when she realizes that she fell asleep in Catra’s van.

Meaning she fell asleep next to Catra.

She notices that the subject of her realization is not there— where did she go? Adora rubs her eyes and stretches her legs. She feels surprisingly refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to take on the world— she hasn’t woken up with this much energy in a long time. 

“Morning sleepyhead,” a deeper than usual voice calls out to her, “sleep okay?” Catra shows off her sharp canines in a smug smile that flusters Adora to the ends of the Earth. 

Adora brushes her hand over her disheveled ponytail (more like a half ponytail now), “You know, I actually did,” she smiles, “who knew storytime with Catra would be the one thing that helps me actually sleep.” 

They sat in silence and the world around them seemed to slow to a halt. 

Catra moves to stand, “Should probably get you back before people worry,” Catra shrugs, a faint hint of disappointment in her voice. “Wouldn’t want Glitter to get the wrong idea either.”

Adora blushes, “Yeah I should— I should get back. Glimmer’s probably freaking out.” _Freaking out?! Glimmer’s going to kill me!_ She shifts so that she’s now sitting with her feet touching the floor. 

“Hah! Well, we wouldn’t wanna worry ol’ Sparkles, right?” Catra says jokingly, then feigns indifference, “Plus, I’ve got stuff to do.” 

Adora picks up on the subtle change in tone and sees an opportunity— “What, climb more trees?” she snorts. 

Catra grumbles, “Actually, Princess, I have to work.” She shifts her gaze from Adora to the window. “And I like my...alone time, I guess.”

Adora looks away, “Oh, well, I’ll get going—“ 

“—Adora, not like that,” Catra reads her mind, “You’re not bothering me, weirdo. This little reunion is just a lot to process, is all.”

A strange yet familiar mix of fondness and regret overcomes Adora like a tsunami as she knows exactly what Catra is referring to; to know someone inside out and have them in your life for so long only to be ripped apart and then reunited without warning after three years? And while three years doesn’t seem like a long time, it was for Adora; it was three years of having a pit deep in the trenches of her mind, of feeling like a piece of herself was missing. Three years of merely existing, of counting down the seconds to 5 o’clock, of jogging all the same routes like clockwork. Adora sometimes forgets that Catra too suffered the aftermath of their fallout but she is relieved that at the least, she made a good friend in Scorpia; Catra is picky about her friendships. 

Catra is proud; despite how much they’ve changed in the last three years she can still get a read on Adora. Adora has never been good at masking her emotions— at least, not to Catra. The brunette always knew when to push and when to pull, always knew when something was too much or not enough. And though she can still read Adora she also feels like there’s a double meaning to everything now; something more layered and nuanced, something familiar and soothing but also charged and exciting. The second Adora looked away Catra knew she needed to quell the anxiety in Adora’s head that threatened to snowball until it was a full-blown avalanche. 

As if on cue, Adora whips her head up and smiles. For a second everything is at it once was. 

“Yeah,” Adora stands and faces away from Catra, “But I’m glad that if I’m gonna be stuck here for seven days, at least it’s with you,” she chuckles as her smile brightens up the space between them. “I really should get going, though.” 

Catra opens the door and motions for Adora to follow her— “Do you, um…” she blushes as she asks, “...want me to walk you? Back?” She looks away as she notices a smug grin on Adora’s face from the corner of her eye.

The teasing never comes; instead, a tender smile and, “I’d like that.” 

-

“Alright, look, I get that your love life hasn’t exactly been...well, _alive_ but,” the pink-haired woman pinched her nose, “Did you seriously hook up with someone at our company retreat?!”

Uh oh. 

Adora’s face adds a new shade to red as her lips press into a thin tight-lipped smile. “Okay, it’s not what it looks like!” 

“Uh-huh.” Glimmer says unamused. “Well we’re gonna be late and, no offense, but...your breath stinks. And you’re still wearing the same outfit from yesterday!”

Adora looks down and realizes Glimmer’s right— she’s still wearing her grey workout tights and white cut up muscle tank, her black sports bra visible from the long openings on the side. 

Adora sighs. This is going to be a long day.

-

Today is one of Catra’s short days. She loves them; though she has to work, it’s a short shift, and though she still has to wake up somewhat early, it does extend her day by a few hours. And those hours are great for some much-needed self-reflection. 

Her shift ends and she’s on her way back to her humble abode, a pep in her step and the grace of a ballerina. She pulls out a turquoise yoga mat and heads to her favorite meadow in the woods. Catra basks in the warmth of the sun as she does all of her usual stretches.

Hours pass and Catra’s focus is a laser— she’s balancing the weight of her entire body on just her forearms, one leg up in the air and the other bent at an almost 90-degree angle. She holds it for around thirty seconds before a sudden memory jolts her out of her perfect form and sends her tumbling to the ground. Catra never falls but she also realizes that she’s never felt quite this light; it’s throwing off her equilibrium and setting her usual activities on hard-mode. 

What even is this feeling? It’s not like they were suddenly best friends again— not after _that_. Still, the familiarity and relative ease at which they’ve fallen back into sync feels like a dance they’ve practiced together for a lifetime. It is both exhilarating and absolutely mortifying. She lays motionless for some time. 

“Damn it, Adora.”

-

She was disappointed when Catra didn’t show up to any of the group activities for the day. So disappointed, in fact, that the moment activities were over, she walked up to Perfuma and asked about the woman’s whereabouts. Catra did say she had to work— why would she lie?

“If she isn’t around here it means it’s one of her short days,” explains Perfuma, “So she’s probably around here somewhere doing her own thing.”

Adora’s uneasiness disappears, replaced instead by an affectionate smile. “Thanks, Perfuma.”

With no Catra around, Adora figures it’s a good time to spend some time with her other friends— the ones she’s neglected for the past few days. Adora spends almost all her time with them outside of the retreat and hasn’t seen Catra for years; surely they wouldn’t fault her for wanting to catch up with the person that meant (and still means) the most to her in the world. She meets up with Bow and Glimmer and they make their way over to the main building.

Bow and Glimmer are having a great time; they’re socializing, making new friends and telling funny college stories about each other. Even one of the staff members, Perfuma, joins in on the fun, rambling on about how nature saved her and— wait, why are her eyes glossy and pink? Adora shrugs and lets it go. She loves listening to her friends have fun but can’t help but replay last night over and over in her mind. Why was Catra so _distracting_? Better yet, why was _she_ so distracted by Catra?! She sighs in defeat and decides to turn in for the night.

“Think I’m gonna rest for the night— feeling pretty tired. Have fun, everyone!” She waves and walks outside.

It’s not as late as she realizes, only 6 o'clock and the sun still has about two hours until it fades into the horizon. She ponders going back to the yurt and processing the events of the past few days but a nagging feeling in her chest steers her towards a familiar woodsy path.

-

She’s pulling something wooden from underneath her bed platform, both rear doors wide open when she hears crunching leaves. 

Catra doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is. “Hey, Adora,” The other girl had never been stealthy, after all.

“Tidying up?” 

“More or less. Pretty easy for things to get messy,” Catra shrugs. She puts the wooden object back in storage and turns to face Adora. “I’m surprised you’re not with your friends.”

Adora looks guilty for a second, and then, “I love them to death but—” she suddenly doesn’t know what to say. 

“But they’re not me,” Catra replies with a crooked smile. 

Adora lifts an eyebrow and then, “You’re not wrong.” She takes a step closer, “I don’t get to see you much these days. And I was kind of hoping...” Adora hugs her abdomen with her right arm, “I was hoping you could show me somewhere...quiet?”

 _Interesting._

Catra shrugs, “Alright, Princess,” she says, smug, “I’ll take you somewhere quiet.”

-

“Catra how do you know this thing won’t fall?” Adora wrestles with a thin fabric held up by two medium-sized trees. “It’s so light!”

Catra pinches her nose, groans and then, “Are you gonna be a baby about this? Just lay back, it's not hard!”

Adora’s skeptical; why is she always getting into these kinds of situations with Catra? “Fine. But if I fall and die I’m haunting you.” 

“Oh please, you’d be the worst ghost ever,” Catra scoffs, “The worst thing you’d do is set my alarm off _at the crack of dawn._ ” 

Catra isn’t wrong; Adora doesn’t have a single mean bone in her body. 

The yellow hammock is secure, tied with thick tree-friendly straps and climbing carabiners. “Adora, just...lay down already!” 

Adora looks at Catra, then at the hammock, then back at Catra. An unspoken trust guides her until she’s staring at the zooming perspective of trees towering over her— she’s never felt so small. She is unexpectedly comfortable, relaxed and relieved. Adora notices Catra leaning against one of the trees supporting the hammock.

“You’re not gonna lay down?” Adora murmurs.

Catra smirks. “I was just waiting for the invite. This hammock is made for two.” She briefly flinches as she realizes the words that left her mouth on reflex. _Ugh, now she’s going to think I actually like her._

Catra moves to lay next to Adora. It almost works until— 

_**THUD** _

The hammock flips over and the two women are on the forest floor. 

“I thought you said it was made for _two!_ ” Adora complains.

“It is but you’re not supposed to _move_ while I’m trying to get in you dumb face!” 

Adora pouts— this is her fault. Catra notices.

“Alright here, get up,” she says as she extends a hand out to Adora. As she lifts Adora, Catra effortlessly plops herself down and then pats the spot between her legs. “We’ll be fine if our weight is in the middle.” 

Oh. She isn’t ready for this. Is she really about to cuddle in a hammock? Is she really about to _cuddle_ in a hammock _with Catra_?

Adora gulps. “Uh, okay,” her eyes skeptical until the moment she’s sitting between Catra’s legs. 

_This is...nice._

Catra’s glad Adora can’t see her face right now because her cheeks are pinker than cotton candy. She lays back and tugs on Adora’s shoulder gently so that they’re both in the same position. 

“This is one of my favorite spots,” Catra shares, “No one really comes out here and when it’s hot the stream cools me down.” 

Adora didn’t notice the stream amidst the chaos of wrestling the hammock— it’s nice, soothing, refreshing, the sound of flowing water lulling her into a daydream. She doesn’t remember the last time she felt so safe.

Adora doesn’t remember falling asleep and when she wakes the first thing she sees is a book. Catra is reading over her shoulder. 

“What’s the name?” Adora’s curious— she doesn’t remember the last time Catra read for fun.

“Some book called ‘Milk and Honey’,” she says nonchalantly, “Scorpia left it in my van and told me I _had_ to read it but so far it just seems cheesy.” 

Adora leans her head back just enough to get a better look. “Wait, are these poems?” She chortles and feels Catra tense up for a short moment.

“Yeah. Scorpia’s a romantic,” she rolls her eyes and then beams, “It’s kinda cute, actually.” 

Adora’s stomach drops for a split second. She leans forward slightly and turns her head back so she can see Catra’s face, “Cute, huh?” She grins, then, “Read me one.”

Catra deadpans and sighs, “Fine.”

They end up reading aloud for another half hour until they’re packed up and making their way back to the van.

Adora glances at Catra’s free hand as they walk. She thinks about one of the poems that has permanently planted itself in her brain:

_nothing is safer_

_than the sound of you_

_reading out loud to me_

_the perfect date -_ rupi kaur

Adora couldn’t believe Catra of all people read _that_ poem out loud; the irony is that on the same page is a sketch of a person laying down with a book in their hands from the perspective of someone sitting behind them, a pair of legs on either side. It’s all becoming too much to just be a coincidence.

It feels like destiny.

After putting everything back in the van, Catra walks Adora back to her yurt. She doesn’t want the night to end but after reading _that_ poem she feels like short-circuiting. 

It’s quiet. Adora rubs the back of her head, “I guess this is goodnight?” 

“Yeah,” Catra leans on one leg, “I guess so. See you around?” 

Adora smiles, “Yeah.”

Before Catra walks away she’s pulled into a gentle side hug. “Hey, thanks for today,” begins Adora, “I think I’m gonna buy that book.” 

Catra returns the hug with a light but firm squeeze, “I’ll let Scorpia know she has a book buddy now,” she teases, then breaks away, “Anyway, good night, Princess.” 

Adora lingers as she watches Catra slowly disappear from view, interrupted by the sound of a door opening. 

“Glimmer!” she shrieks, “Sorry I’m back so late I—”

“You _do_ realize this is supposed to be a _team-bonding_ trip, right?” Glimmer spits out, not bothering to mask the venom in her words.

Uh-oh. 

“Glimmer, I’m sorry,” she frowns, “I just haven’t seen her in three years.”

Glimmer rolls her eyes, “Could’ve fooled me. You two act like you’re married.”

Adora knows she has to tread carefully— the last thing she wants is to make Glimmer feel excluded or shoved aside. “Glimmer, I’m sorry. There’s just so much to talk about and…” she drifts briefly, struggling to put her feelings into words, “Being with her just brings back a lot of memories, I guess.” 

Glimmer sees the reflective melancholy in Adora’s eyes and immediately regrets how she started the conversation. “Adora, no, look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have cornered you,” she steps closer, “I just feel like ever since we got here I’ve hardly seen you except for when we all _have_ to be together.”

Guilt. She feels guilty. Adora walks over to her bed and invites Glimmer to sit. “Hey. You’re important to me, Glimmer. You and Bow. I couldn’t have made it without you guys,” Adora puts her hand on Glimmer’s shoulder. “You’re my best friends.” 

Glimmer tears up and leaps to embrace Adora, leaning her head on the other girl’s broad shoulders, “You too,” she whispers. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. Are we okay?”

Adora hugs her back and smiles, “Of course, Glimmer. More than okay.” Adora gives a firm squeeze, then pulls away.

“So,” Glimmer whistles, “platonic best friend snuggles?”

“Sure.” 

They get ready for bed and snuggle in close.

**Day 4: Broken Strings**

Breakfast is the liveliest it’s been since they got here. Bow notices that Glimmer and Adora are lighter on their feet and completely at ease with one another; he suspects they talked and feels relieved. Mermista and Seahawk glow as well, the pair being more touchy and affectionate than usual. All in all the morning is off to a great start.

-

Scorpia and She-Ra find Catra stretching near the outside of the main building. The buff white-haired woman feels like she hasn’t seen the other girl at all the past week, but given a certain blonde’s presence, she can’t say she’s too surprised. When Catra opened up to Scorpia about Adora, she operated under the assumption that they were _exes_. Instead, she realized they were just _useless, hopeless, pining lesbians._

_Gosh, Wildcat’s so oblivious._

She-Ra barks in excitement, startling Catra and nearly making her fall over. “What the— Scorpia!” 

“Wildcat!” the tall woman beams, “I haven’t seen you in forever!” She-Ra rubs herself against Catra’s leg, tail wagging profusely. 

“You saw me yesterday, Scorpia,” Catra facepalms.

“Yeah, for like, a minute,” she chuckles, “What have you guys been up to anyway?” _Did they finally figure it out?_

Catra straightens her back and ties her hair up in a messy bun, bangs and tufts flowing freely. “Hanging out? What else would we do?” Catra pulls out her bandana and ties it around her head.

 _Oh dear, she’s hopeless._ “Alright Wildcat,” Scorpia stands tall as Catra pulls out a canteen, “I’m just gonna say it— you like her.”

_**PFFFFFFT** _

“ _SCORPIA WHAT THE HELL_ —” she pulls Scorpia further from the building and hides them behind a large tree. “I don’t like her! We just grew up together. Trust me it’s not—” Catra frowns, “— it’s not like that.”

Scorpia is not convinced. “Yea, let me just bring a girl, she’s gorgeous by the way, to my van and laugh all happy like!” The sarcasm is clear in her voice. “You _never_ laugh like _that_!”

“Okay, one, how do you know we went to my van, and two, duh, we’re catching up and some shit’s just funny, okay?!” 

“Wow! I actually _didn’t_ know I was just guessing but I heard you guys laughing really loud and it wasn’t coming from here so,” Scorpia shrugs.

“Ugh, you’re so annoying,” Catra flexes her hands into a claw-like shape, “Anyway, like I said Scorp, it’s not like that.” _Even if I want it to be._

_What the—_

She doesn’t have feelings for Adora. She can’t. She already let her in once and when that fell apart it nearly destroyed her; she’s still picking up the pieces, some more barbed than others. 

“I mean, at the very least you care about her a lot, right?” Scorpia asks innocently.

“Of course I do!” Catra defends, “I just, I dunno, it’s just a lot! I don’t know what else you want me to say.”

“I just want you to be happy, Wildcat.”

There it is. Happy. Catra being _happy_.

_‘Nothing will ever be enough to make you happy.’_

_Maybe she’s always been right. Maybe I don’t get to be happy._

“I am happy,” she lies. 

Scorpia pokes the top of Catra’s head, “You don’t have to lie to me, Wildcat. Being in a _better_ place doesn’t mean you’re _happy_.”

She hates how Scorpia can see right through her. She hates how far she’s opened the door, a door that will never fully close again.

And yet she’s glad. 

_You’re wrong, old hag. You were wrong then, and you’re wrong now._

She-Ra is still wagging her tail as she sniffs the ground around Catra’s feet. 

Catra smiles softly, “Hey Scorpia?” her expression softens, “Thanks.”

“Hm?” Scorpia raises a brow, “What’d I do? Did I do something? Wait did you just say thanks?!”

Catra laughs playfully, “Don’t get used to it.” 

_I think I know what I have to do._

-

The day zooms by and everything is going so well. After Adora and Glimmer talked last night, Adora decided to put more effort into quality time with her friends. Though she’d normally try to find Catra straight after the group activities, she realized that she had missed spending time with Bow, Glimmer, Mermista and her other team members. Before she knows it, it’s 7 o’clock and there’s only about an hour left until sunset. She glances over at Glimmer, who nods. It truly is amazing how well her friends can read her sometimes, especially when words tend to be her weak point.

“Go have fun, Adora! We’ll be here if you decide to come back,” Glimmer cheers.

She jogs off to the van.

-

The van grows as Adora swiftly closes the gap. A strange harmonious sound, however, catches her off guard. 

_Is that Catra?_

Catra plucks on the strings of her wooden instrument, unaware of the approaching footsteps. 

“Catra?” 

Shit.

Catra can only stare, startled and bashful, as Adora slowly inches closer, “I didn’t know you played guitar,” the blonde says with intrigue.

Catra shrugs, “I don’t, I’m still learning. Picked this thing up at a small shop by the coast ‘cause it looked neat.” 

“So you live in a van, have a guitar and you wear the same comfy pants with a bandana every day,” Adora teases..

Catra cuts her off but can’t hide her growing smile, “Don’t say it—“

“Don’t say what? I was just gonna say you’ve gone soft, that’s all.” 

Catra puts down her guitar and playfully shoves Adora. “Yeah, well at least I’m not boring!” 

Adora shoves Catra back. “Are you saying I’m boring?” Then, feigning hurt and clutching her chest, “Wow, I’m hurt Catra,” she smirks. 

Catra is about to shove her again but stops midway and instead, “Nah, you’re not boring.” She smiles. “Just annoying.” 

They’re in their own little world as everything falls into place once more— the banter, the soft smiles, the play fighting. Then Adora gets an idea.

She looks at the guitar and then back at Catra. “So, you gonna play something or—“ 

“Ugh, I’m still learning, Adora! I stink!” Catra groans.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Adora hops and sits next to Catra on the bed, the rear doors open and a soft breeze tickling her hair. “Plus, you’re never bad at anything.”

“Fine, but no making fun of me and don’t tell anyone!” Catra stops and gives Adora a firm look. “Promise?” 

Suddenly they’re kids again and the words come out as naturally as breathing, “I promise.” 

An hour flies by without them noticing, the comfort of each other’s company shielding them from the rest of the world. Catra’s playing was not as bad as she made it seem— Adora’s on the other hand…

“Hey, remember when we kept talking in front of the fan because we thought our voices sounded cool?” Adora laughs.

“Weaver was so pissed, I still can’t believe she actually threw it out! It was a perfectly good fan!”

They bask in the joyous fleeting memories of their childhood; it’s no coincidence that they were together in every single one. Slowly, though, the memories begin to sour, moments of bliss tainted with other not so pleasant moments and emotions associated with them.

“I never liked being her favorite you know,” Adora laments.

Catra winces. She knew this was inevitable. 

“It’s fine, Adora, it was a long time ago—”

“No, it’s not fine, Catra,” Adora cuts in, “I never wanted to leave you alone with her but I didn’t get to choose!” 

Catra crosses her arms over her body, “We still got to go to school together. Really, it’s...it’s okay.” She pauses, then, “Are you hungry?”

Irritated, Adora unintentionally raises her voice, “Why can’t you just listen to me for once?!”

_Shit! Shit, shit, shit._

Adora immediately regrets it. She struck a nerve. 

“Oh, because I have to listen to everything you say and do everything you want? Sorry my choices aren’t good enough for you—” 

“What are you even saying right now, Catra?!”

_“YOU NEVER BELIEVED IN ME!”_

Silence. A stabbing in her chest. Tears begging to fall but held at bay with fortified gates forged in the fires of hell on Earth.

Catra shuts the rear doors and puts her guitar away; a string gets caught on a sharp corner, snaps and cuts Catra’s ring finger. “Shit!” 

Adora gasps, “Are you okay? Let me see—” 

“I’m fine!” Catra clutches her finger and wipes the blood on her pants.

“Catra, please, just let me help—” Adora protests, attempting to grab Catra’s injured hand.

“Oh because I can’t do anything myself, right? Because I can’t do anything right, because I’m not motivated enough, because I always need to be rescued, because— ” 

She stops herself.

This is it. The precipice. The point of no return— the edge of a waterfall looming up ahead and an unrelenting torrent of emotions steering them both. “I didn’t need your help then and I don’t need your help now.” 

_‘You’re her little charity project. That’s all you’ll ever be.’_

Catra’s words cut her like daggers. Adora can’t stop her tears; she throws herself back onto the mattress and covers her eyes with her hands. “I just wanted to be there for you, Catra. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” 

Catra leans against a corner, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She props her head against the wall and slips into the past—

_Four Years Ago_

“Do you even know what you wanna major in?” asked a curious Adora. 

Catra merely shrugs, “Not really. I don’t really know what I wanna do yet.”

“You know we have to declare in less than a year, right?” Adora gives her a condescending look, not noticing the scowl forming on her friend’s face.

“Okay, _Mom_ , thanks for the reminder,” Catra snaps back. “Did you wanna come with me to my advisor's office too?”

“Catra, I’m serious!” Adora pleads, “I know school’s not a big deal for you but—” 

“Hah! I like how you assume it’s not a big deal for me, why? Just because I wanna actually make sure I’m not miserable?! Get the fuck over yourself, Adora!” 

Catra storms off and neither of them mentions it again.

_One Year Later_

Adora received an enormous envelope from Bright Moon University, one of the most prestigious schools in the country. She was greeted with an acceptance letter. 

“ _YES!_ ” Adora jumped up and down excitedly, not knowing what to do with her sudden burst of energy. She was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t notice Catra coming home to their shared apartment. 

Catra set down her bag and took off her shoes, “What’s with you?” she teased. 

It’s this moment that yanks Adora off her perch above the clouds. She can tell Catra the truth now, or she can wait until she decides whether or not she wants to commit to the offer. Between soccer, her upper-division coursework, labs and club activities, Adora had not spent as much time with Catra like she used to; they were inseparable, attached at the hip. Now, with their busy schedules, they could go weeks without seeing each other except in passing or run-ins at the library. Adora made a decision.

“Oh, I uh, got another scholarship,” she lied, “Maybe I won’t have to sell a kidney after all!” 

Even though they drifted apart the past couple semesters, Catra could still tell when Adora was lying through her teeth— she wasn’t very good at it. Though something about the encounter felt off, she decided not to press the issue, trusting that Adora would tell her when she was ready. 

It was Catra that was unprepared.

Two weeks later, Catra came home to a pros and cons chart written on a whiteboard. She knew Adora’s handwriting, but what she didn’t know was why her name was on the cons side of the chart. Then she saw the name “Bright Moon University'' and it all hit her like a mallet.

Adora stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in nothing but a towel and still dripping. Her lax expression turned to one of horror as she saw the glare on Catra’s face. 

“Catra, I can explain—” 

“So that’s what that letter was,” Catra bites, “Were you even gonna tell me?” 

Adora shook, her heart racing, her brain struggling to keep up with everything happening. “Catra, let— let me change and I’ll explain everything.” She gently grabbed Catra’s hand. “Please.”

Catra ripped her hand away and darted for her room. “Whatever.”

_‘She can’t wait to get away from you. You only hold her back.’_

Adora changed into a black pair of sweats and a skin-tight white long sleeve. She knocked on Catra’s door and took a deep breath. 

Catra leaned against the doorframe, not bothering to invite Adora in. “So?” 

“I wanted to tell you but I didn’t even know if I was going— it’s expensive and far and—”

“—and you didn’t even tell me you were applying.” Catra was hurt. It’s not that Adora had to tell her every little detail of her life. It’s not that Adora had stopped including her and noticing when she was bothered or upset. 

“Catra— you didn’t even know what you wanted to do and I couldn’t just sit back and let things happen—”

“Oh, is that what I do? I just sit back and _let_ things happen? Not _ambitious_ enough for ya?” Catra laughs, “God, I bet you really _did_ love being her favorite, didn’t you?” 

“Catra, that’s not fair!”

Catra laughed again. “Fair? You wanna talk about _fair_?! You actually have _parents_ now that love you and _want_ to help you pay for school— you have people that _believe_ in you!” Catra couldn’t hold them back anymore. She let go. “You’re all I ever had! You _are_ all I have!” 

Adora was sobbing now, too. She had no idea Catra felt this way and Adora has to break the news that she’s moving across state lines the following semester. This isn’t how she wanted this to go. How could she forget to tell Catra something so important? 

Catra stared at the ground, apathetic and aloof. “I know you’re going. You don’t have to tell me.” She closes her eyes as another tear slides down her cheek. “I felt it the second I realized you lied to me.” 

Adora didn’t know what to say; she had to go— Bright Moon had one of the best management programs in the world. In the back of her mind, she knew why she didn’t tell Catra— she was just ashamed to admit it. She didn’t know this would hurt so much. She realized this wasn’t just about Bright Moon; it was the awakening of a monster years in the making, their very own pandora’s box.

“Catra—” she sobs, “Catra, I’m sorry. I should’ve told you. It was a mistake, I was just so busy and I forgot and—” 

“You know I was expecting a way better excuse but that’s actually just like you, Adora,” Catra hissed. “But, I guess I made a mistake too.”

A sense of relief washed over Adora— Catra understood and everything was going to be okay and they could still video chat and call and text and— 

_“I’m sorry I trusted you.”_

A dagger to the heart.

_Present Day_

They sit in silence for an eternity. Neither makes a move or takes initiative, each content to put the ball in the other’s court. That is until Catra can’t take it anymore.

“You should go,” Catra says coldly. 

Adora looks like she wants to say something, anything, but stops herself. She looks at Catra one last time, her eyes puffy and swollen and full of tears, and steps into the coldness of the night.

Neither of them slept well.

**Day 5: The Core**

Catra drives.

She doesn’t know where she’s going; she only knows that the last place she wants to be is near Adora. What gives her the right? Always so full of herself and self-righteous, always playing the hero and thinking she knows best. Why does Catra even feel so strongly about something that happened years ago anyway? Shouldn’t she have been happy that her best friend got into one of the best schools in the country? Why couldn’t she just have a normal reaction— congratulations Adora, I’m so proud of you Adora! Why did she insist Adora was out to belittle her, look down on her, assert her dominance?

_‘You’ll never be her equal.’_

Catra drives and drives until she pulls off on the side of the road and sobs in agony against the steering wheel.

-

_Why do I always have to ruin everything?_

_‘Adora, you must keep her under control.’_

_Why can’t I just keep my mouth shut?_

_‘Do not let this happen again.’_

Adora doesn’t want to see anyone or do anything. She doesn’t want to attend whatever dumb teambuilding exercise they have planned today and she doesn’t want to listen to Perfuma’s stupid speeches about harmonious teamwork and positive energy and she just doesn’t want to do, well, _anything_. She wonders if anyone would notice if she skips today’s activities, pondering where she could go when Glimmer’s voice snaps her out of her sorrow.

“Adora, what happened?” Glimmer eyes her with growing concern. “It’s Catra, isn’t it?”

Adora flinches at the sound of her name, guilt, regret and longing overloading her insides. “Yeah. It’s Catra. But I really don’t want to talk about it— at least, not now. Sorry.”

Glimmer sags her shoulders and sighs but understands that Adora will tell her when she’s ready. “Well, I’ll be here when you do, okay?” Glimmer cups her cheek and Adora finally gets out of bed.

_I don’t deserve any of my friends._

Reluctantly, Adora gets dressed— she wears the same basic outfit she’s been wearing every day, except this time she doesn’t even bother putting her hair in her signature ponytail. Her heart hurts. 

_‘I’m sorry I trusted you.’_

The memory pierces her like an arrow. She knows she made a mistake in not telling Catra about her transfer but she didn’t do it on purpose. She had hoped Catra would be happy for her, proud of her— instead she had pushed away the one person she thought she’d always have by her side. Everything is her fault and now she’s going to lose Catra _again._

_-_

Adora wanders around the camp, opting to skip dinner and instead figures she would try talking to Catra one more time now that they were somewhat more level headed. She continues down the familiar path but is shocked when she realizes the van isn’t there.

_I’m too late._

_‘She’s going to get into trouble— you should have been more careful.’_

Catra is gone. No goodbye, no final declarations before their short bittersweet chapter comes to a close, no anything. Nothing except a pair of tire tracks that did a sharp turn away from this place, away from her. Catra is gone with no way to contact her— she had changed her number and deleted all of her social media accounts. Adora checked. 

She stumbles back toward the main building in defeat when she spots Scorpia and She-Ra. Scorpia notices her as well and can tell right away that something is off. 

Adora wastes no time getting to the point, her voice raspy and strained. “Catra’s gone and it’s all my fault. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to get so close so fast—” Adora breaks down. 

Scorpia stares, wide-eyed, confused and for the first time doesn’t know if she should hug or give space. “Uh, Adora? What do you mean she’s gone?”

Adora can’t look at her, her gaze locked on She-Ra instead, “We got into a fight and when I went to talk to her this morning her van was gone,” she chokes, “And now she’s lost this amazing place because of me.” Adora is caught off guard when Scorpia starts laughing. “W-what’s so funny?” 

Scorpia’s laughter subsides into a soft giggle, “Oh, Adora,” she sighs, “Today is Catra’s day off. She’ll be back— she always comes back!” 

Adora deadpans. She’s an idiot. Catra may work and live here but she doesn’t have to be here every second of every day; Adora realizes that Catra just needs time to cool off and suddenly she is calmer than she’s been since the start of the fight. If Catra were truly angry she wouldn’t just take off and not come back— she’d want Adora to know how hurt she is, she’d stick around just to rub Adora’s face in her wounds. Catra isn’t angry— she’s hurt. 

A realization punches her square in the jaw.

_I’m such an idiot._

_-_

After making her way back to the vicinity of the camp, Catra decides to set up her slackline. She picks a new spot where no one will find her— unless they’re trying really hard— and hops on the line. She begins balancing on one leg, lifting the other to the side of her head and holding it there for as long as she can. Then something unexpected happens— she falls. 

“What the fuck,” Catra never falls. “Stupid Adora.”

_‘You never could take responsibility for your actions— always such a stubborn little creature.’_

_You don’t know anything about me— you don’t get to tell me anything anymore._

_‘Oh child. I don’t need to know anything about you.’_

_Stop._

_‘I am you.’_

No!

She’d done so well to rid herself of that voice and in an instant, her hard-fought efforts and years of therapy went up in smoke. The voice is back and she can’t keep it quiet, can’t run from it because she is the voice— 

No! She’s not the voice. She’s not her. 

_I’m not you and you’re not me— I’ll never be like you, so shut the hell up!_

It’s not Adora’s fault. None of it is Adora’s fault. None of it was ever Adora’s fault. Adora was just caught in the crossfire, an unsuspecting target for Catra’s boiling misdirected rage.

It wasn’t Adora’s fault. She sprints toward the camp and leaves everything behind.

-

Adora looks everywhere but Catra’s still not around. She’s about to give up when suddenly she hears a familiar voice calling her name.

“Adora, wait!” 

Catra’s always been quick. Adora is strong but Catra is _fast_. Catra must have not realized how swiftly she was running because as she attempts to stop she trips over her own feet and slams right into Adora, knocking them both to the floor. Adora groans and rubs the back of her head in pain but stops when she sees how close Catra is— she counts her freckles, takes in the details of her bewitching eyes, her refined jawline— 

Catra’s lost. She’s lost in Adora’s ocean grey-blue eyes, an infinite pool of conflicting emotions and innocence, a fear so raw but non-threatening. She can feel their bodies pressing together, the firmness of Adora’s core sending a shudder down her spine, her collarbone and shoulders chiseled to perfection, a long lost Renaissance sculpture come to life. 

“Hey, Adora,” she fondly says.

Adora snaps out of her trance, “Catra.” Her breath catches.

They stay tangled far longer than necessary until Catra clears her throat and stands, extending her arm out to help Adora up in the process. Adora eagerly accepts.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry—” 

A pause, then, “Oh, uh,” Adora stammers, “You go first.” 

Catra is about to continue when Adora interrupts, “Wait! Maybe we could talk...in private? Glimmer’s not in my room right now.”

Catra nods, “Okay.” 

-

“I shouldn’t have blamed you for everything,” Catra begins, “I just...I felt so helpless around you. You were just so perfect and I’m just,” she looks away, “I’m just the screw-up with no future.” 

Catra takes a moment to recollect herself. “When you transferred and didn’t tell me about it, I thought it was because you wanted to get away from me,” she sighs, “I thought because I didn’t know what I wanted that—“

“— I didn’t believe in you,” Adora completes her sentence and then, “Catra, I’ve always believed in you. I’m sorry I was so bad at showing it. I never meant to make you feel like you were second best.” Adora places her hand on Catra’s knee. “I only wanted good things for you. I still want good things for you.” 

Catra continues, “I know that now. Wish I realized it then, would’ve made life so much easier,” she chuckles. “I did get some much-needed therapy out of it though. I missed you.” 

Adora doesn’t know how to respond. “I missed you, too.” She gently rubs her thumb where it rests on Catra’s knee. “I’m sorry for leaving.” 

Catra puts her hand over Adora’s, “Don’t— you don’t need to,” she whispers.

Adora turns her hand so that her palm is facing up and locks their hands together, “Yes I do. I’m sorry for not being honest with you. I’m sorry for how I left,” Adora tears up, “I was scared, but I should’ve just been honest with you from the beginning.” 

They’re looking at each other now, faces inching closer, succumbing to a gravitational pull that neither of them noticed was there. 

And then the door flew open.

“ —ooh and when we get back we can get matching outfits— oh,” Glimmer and Bow stumble through the door. “Adora! And...Catra!” Glimmer yells.

Catra’s suddenly standing and pulling Adora with her, “Hey there, Sparkles. We were actually on our way out,” she begins.

“We were?” Adora interrupts, confused.

Catra facepalms, remembering that Adora was always the last one to understand a joke. “Yeah— you don’t remember? I’m taking you to my secret spot.” 

Glimmer and Bow share a look, shrug, and Bow gives them a thumbs up. “Have fun you two!”

Catra and Adora make their way to the door when Catra turns to the other pair, “Oh. Don’t expect Adora back tonight.” She winks.

-

“Catra, are you sure we’re not lost?” her voice cracking as she marches forward. 

Catra had driven them about an hour from the camp in the dark and then revealed that they still had to hike a bit more to get to their destination. Adora’s not nervous. Not at all.

“I’m about 90% sure we aren’t. Okay, 80. Maybe 70. Okay, so what if we’re a little lost?!”

“CATRA!”

“Relax, Princess. I’ve got an idea. Follow me.”

“I mean, that’s how I got lost in the middle of—”

“Really, Adora?”

“Really, Catra— you couldn’t have, like, mapped it or something?!” Adora yells passionately as she lifts her hands toward the sky.

“Adora, do you see where we are?! Or do I have to call you Adora Thickskull from now on?”

“I’m starting to hate the mountains.”

“Yeah, well, the mountains hate you,” she retorts as she steps over a fallen log, “Now come on, let’s just pick a new spot.”

They walk and walk and walk until Catra spots a relatively large basin full of sand. She slides down a small dirt hill and holds her hand out for Adora to follow. Adora looks at her unamused but takes her hand anyway— the second they come in contact, a warm jolt of electricity lights up her nerves. Catra also feels it but doesn’t make any indication that she is, in fact, a touch-starved gay. They walk about a hundred feet until Catra motions for them to stop.

“This seems good.”

They stand close to the edge of the basin next to an enormous boulder that is at least thirty feet tall. Sleeping next to the boulder would provide them shelter from some of the cool night breezes that pass through every so often. Catra takes her hand from Adora, kicks off her boots and walks across in her wool socks, enjoying the soft coolness beneath her tired feet.

“Uh, Catra? This is all...sand. Are we sleeping on sand?!” Adora grimaces.

“Aw, what’s wrong? The pwincess doesn’t like sand? Well get over it, I wanna lay down before we miss it!”

Adora’s face scrunches up in curiosity, “Miss what? Meteor showers? Aliens?” 

Catra smiles and holds out her hand again. “Do you trust me, Princess?” 

Adora doesn’t hesitate for a second, “I mean, I’m out here in the middle of nowhere. My life is in your hands, oh mighty Catra—”

“Okay! Just set up your stuff already, ya slowpoke.”

“Well, I would but we haven’t even pitched the tent yet.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point.”

If looks could kill, Catra would be a goner.

Adora shrieks, “What do you mean ‘that’s kind of the point’, the whole point of sleeping outside is to sleep in a tent isn’t it?!” 

Catra snorts, “if that’s what you think the point of sleeping outside is you’re even more of a dumbass than I thought.” 

“Okay Miss National Geographic, what’s the point of sleeping outside in just our bags!? What if some animal decides it wants me for dinner?!” she squeals as they finish setting up their sleeping pads and bags next to each other, Catra’s headlamp illuminating the space between them. 

“First of all, if something really wants to eat you, a tent won’t do much to protect you. Second, I would be the main course, Princess. And third, just shut up and get in your damn sleeping bag before I _die of old age_ ,” she jokes. 

Adora pouts and doesn’t take too kindly to being teased but unzips her bag and crawls in. She could already feel the warmth kicking in but she knows the temperature will keep dropping. She discreetly shifts closer to Catra and leaves her sleeping bag zipper down just enough so her arms can hang out.

“Alright, so are you gonna explain—” she’s interrupted by Catra silencing her lips with her finger, the other hand pointing at the sky.

 _Speechless._

She’s speechless. It is so mesmerizing, so captivating, she forgets how to breathe, afraid that if she moves even an inch the sky would disappear and this blissful dream within a dream would come down from its high and root itself in reality once more. 

“Catra, I—”

“Shhh— let’s just...sit here for a minute,” she breathes. 

The Milky Way core is visible for a certain period of time from March through October. Depending on the month, the time the core shows itself varies but that doesn’t matter because it always maintains its divine allure, its magical aura. Catra is somewhat of an expert; Milky Way season is her favorite time of year. 

Adora takes it all in, realizations hitting her all at once, years of muddled feelings suddenly crystallizing and before she knows it she’s crying but they are not tears of melancholy. No, they’re tears of relief, tears of wonder, tears of healing. How has she gone this long without looking up? How long has she spent watching her own careful steps on the ground when what she needed the most had been right there all along? 

Catra stares. For the first time in her life, everything makes sense. It’s hypnotizing, captivating, soothing, innocent and absolutely carefree. She’s seen Adora smile countless times— tonight’s smile though, tonight’s smile is different, different in all of the right ways. Adora is _happy_. Adora is happy _here_. Adora is happy here _with her_. Catra wants to savor it all, wants to remember this moment for as long as time allows. She revels at the gleam in her eyes reflecting the dim dreamy starlight and she can practically drown in the massive wave of joy emanating from her gaze. 

“Catra? Catra— it’s beautiful. I don’t even know what to say, I don’t—” her breath catches as she feels Catra’s fingers intertwining with her own, a blush forming on her cheeks. Oh, thank the stars it’s dark.

“Yeah, it’s really something isn’t it?” Catra whispers softly, but she isn’t talking about the sky. 

A nipping breeze sweeps through the sandy dried up lake bed and drags both women back to Earth. 

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot it’s cold,” Adora shivers between chattering teeth.

Catra pauses, then unzips her sleeping bag all the way and moves her entire setup right next to Adora’s. 

“Unzip.” 

Adora bashfully looks at Catra, “C-Catra I’m wearing track pants and it’s also freezing out here—”

Catra facepalms, “Seriously, Adora? Unzip your _sleeping bag_ , you dumb of ass,” she commands with a smirk on her face. She’s glad it’s dark— if it weren’t, Adora would see her face light up brighter than fireworks. 

Adora, now irrevocably embarrassed, complies. “O-oh, uh, okay, yea let me—” she unzips her bag. Catra, with an indecipherable expression, grabs both of their sleeping bags and zips them together.

“This should be warmer. The down fill in these bags insulates whatever’s inside, and since we’re sharing now, uh, we should be—“ Catra’s breath hitches, “— extra toasty.” She shifts herself slightly to face Adora. “Let’s just hope it doesn’t rain, ‘cause then these things are _useless_ ,” she gestures to the sleeping bags.

Adora’s heart is racing. She’s slept next to Catra before and their friendship has always been more affectionate and touchy than any other she’s ever had, but for some reason, she’s more nervous than she’s ever been in her life.

_Holy shit Catra’s so close— is that her shoulder?! Oh god, her hair’s touching my face and neck and I can feel her arm and her heartbeat and she smells so good and why am I so nervous, why can’t I stop myself—_

The realization hits her like a train. Somehow, someway, she’s been drawn into orbit, a long-lost comet finding her way back after years of enduring the trials of a spiritless journey with no end in sight. She’s a shooting star and Catra is her homecoming— she’s falling head over heels over and over again and she doesn’t care that she’s crashing to the ground because for the longest time Catra _was her ground_ , her rock.

_Holy shit I think I’m in love with Catra._

“Hey Catra?” she asks softly, barely a whisper.

Catra turns to face Adora. “Yeah?” Their gazes lock and time stops. 

Catra can feel Adora’s breath tickling her nose. She can feel her body heat cradling her, keeping her safe. The air is charged and Adora is the storm. She wants to, she wants this, how long has she wanted this? 

‘ _Do you think Adora would ever want someone like you?’_

_Oh._

_Probably not._

She whips her head away towards the sky once more. She thinks she hears a faintly disappointed grunt from the girl next to her but chalks it up to her brain’s desire-fueled imagination.

“Catra— I’m still cold,” Adora mumbles. She scoots closer, buries her flushing face in the crook of Catra’s neck and holds her arms pressed against her chest. “Is this okay?”

Catra’s heart skips a beat. 

_She’s just cold, it doesn’t mean anything._

_Fuck it._

She cradles Adora’s neck and wraps an arm around her, pulling her closer, “More than okay.”

_I’ve always loved her, haven’t I?_

Within minutes they’re asleep but right before Adora fades, she sees a shooting star.

**Day 6: The Storm**

The drive back is awkward.

Neither of the pair talked much as they packed up their gear and made the trek back to Catra’s van. The temperature had dropped low enough that Adora could see her own breath— she isn’t used to cold like this, but she also understands that she’s at roughly 8,000 feet above sea level. Catra guffaws as she realizes the spot she wanted to take Adora to last night was only about 200 feet away in the opposite direction, but quickly realizes that had they made it, they would have been able to make a fire, and if they had a fire Adora would have been warm and if Adora was warm— 

Catra scrunches her face and rubs the tip of her nose. She can’t be thinking about this right now. She’s glad she’s driving and has to focus on the winding road armed with sudden turns, steep edges and low-hanging branches, otherwise, she might overthink herself to death. 

How did she not realize this sooner? The constant pulsating chasm in her chest, the daily reminders and bouts of nostalgia, the—

The simmering resentment.

The heated arguments.

The climax.

Has she always felt this strongly? Catra always thought it was some twisted form of manipulated rivalry that fanned sparks of envy into flames of fury contained in a glass bottle— burning on the inside but never breaking. 

She realizes it makes sense. The emotionally charged ire; the bubbling jealousy. The undeniable bliss; the soul-crushing vulnerability. Only for Adora. Only ever for Adora. It makes sense that the only person who could open her locked doors is the only person who’s ever had the key. And above all else…

Adora made her _happy_. 

It hits Catra like a truck. She is _in love_ with Adora. Catra has _always_ been hopelessly and irrevocably in love with _Adora._

_Well, if I wasn’t fucked before, I’m definitely fucked now._

_-_

Adora stares out the window. Part of the reason is that she can’t stop thinking about last night— the other part is that she gets queasy on twisty roads and looking out the window helps. The last thing she needs right now is projectile vomit ruining Catra’s _home_. 

Maybe the nausea isn’t just due to carsickness; in truth, Adora is terrified. She’s about to sail into uncharted waters with an outdated map and a compass that can’t seem to figure out North from South. She’s entangled in a net of feelings that she doesn’t know what to do with: anger, longing, frustration—

Love? 

Adora loves Catra— that much is a given. She’s always loved Catra, cared for Catra, protected Catra. 

_‘And then you left me.’_

_I never wanted to leave you._

It wasn’t supposed to end that way. The ending she had planned involved graduating college together and moving to a city where they could both start their careers. It involved living together (they were already inseparable), and having each other’s back if something ever went wrong at work. Sure they tried resolving their issues yesterday but years of bubbled up feelings take time to heal; one talk isn’t going to fix everything.

It was supposed to be Adora and Catra versus the world like it had always been. Like she had promised. 

At the very least, they had taken the first step. Adora has hope again.

Her phone buzzes— 

Wait. Her phone is buzzing. Her phone. She has service. Adora doesn’t even know why she bothered bringing her phone but she pulls it out only to find a severe weather alert for their area. 

“Uh,” Adora says, “Catra I just got a weather alert.” 

Catra’s eyes widen. “Probably a summer storm. They don’t happen too often but when they do it rains a fuckton.” 

Adora chuckles nervously, “Guess it’s a good thing tomorrow’s the last day huh?” 

And Catra freezes. If she didn’t have to keep her hands on the wheel they would have fallen limp. In the midst of their tug of war of emotions, she had forgotten one very simple, very important fact: Adora has to leave. Adora has to leave tomorrow. Adora has a career, a home, a life. How could she be so stupid? As much as Catra would love for Adora to join her, she loves her far too much to be selfish with her— not anymore, not now that they had finally taken the first step towards healing. She doesn’t want Adora feeling guilty for choosing what she thinks is best, she doesn’t want Adora to regret reuniting with her. Catra loves Adora so much she’s willing to let her go not because she wants to, but because she has to.

_I won’t hold her back._

Adora notices Catra’s sudden change in demeanor, her eyes now distant and resigned. At first, she wonders why and then remembers what she said just over a minute ago. 

_Wow, Adora, again? Everything was going so well and you had to go and ruin it didn’t you?_

“Catra, are you okay?” Adora decides to cut to the chase.

Catra hesitates and then, “I’m fine. Just tired, I didn't sleep well.” _A lie._

Adore sees right through it. “Catra, please talk to me,” she pleads, “I know what I said is bothering you but we can talk about it.” Adora wishes she didn’t bring it up so carelessly; she knew they’d both have to confront the situation sooner or later but she didn’t want it to be like _this._

Catra knows Adora’s right and she hates it. Talking about it won’t fix it; Adora is still going to leave. Talking about it might help if only to serve as a less painful goodbye. But it’s just a band-aid. She can’t handle another band-aid. 

Adora tries again, desperate now. “Catra, I can’t know something is wrong if you won’t tell me, I can’t read your mind,” _even though I wish I could_ , she thinks.

“There’s just no point in me opening up because you have to leave,” Catra blurts out despondent. “It’s not anyone’s fault— it’s just the way things are.” _It’s not Adora’s fault._

They’re finally pulling into the road that leads to the camp. Adora knows the clock is ticking— once they get back she knows Catra will close herself off and she can’t let that happen again. Not after they’ve come so far. 

Before she knows it she’s begging, “Catra, please don’t go.” 

Catra slams on the brakes, both women shoved forward by the unexpected force. “What?”

“Don’t go,” Adora says again, firmly.

“Adora, I’m not the one leaving.”

“You’re shutting me out, pushing me away,” Adora whispers, “You might as well be leaving. Please, don’t go.” 

Catra turns her head toward the road and drives; she doesn’t say a word..

-

When Adora arrives at the camp everyone is gathered in front of the yurts. She spots Scorpia speaking into the same microphone box she had the first day.

“Hey everybody! So the Forest Service just radioed me and we’re gonna be hit with a pretty nasty summer storm!” She shouts almost a bit too loud. “We’re going to cancel all group meetings and activities for the day. If it gets too scary, feel free to come to the main building— we’ll keep it unlocked. If you have questions, talk to us!” She nods over at Perfuma, who is holding She-Ra off to the side, “If anyone somehow gets hurt, Perfuma and the other staff know first-aid. Wow, I have always wanted to say that— wait no I haven’t— anyway! Stay warm and safe everyone!”

Adora needs to find Glimmer. She needs advice and she needs it now. She doesn’t want to risk going in blind— not when she can talk to someone and get an outsider’s perspective. She carefully weaves her way through the crowd and spots a poof of pink hair. 

“Glimmer!” Adora screams, “Glimmer, I need your help. Like, now.” Glimmer looks confused. Adora’s eyes grow wild, “Now, now. I need your help _right now_! Also, hi Bow.” 

Glimmer and Bow are stunned, mouths agape but they both know that it’s about Catra. 

“Walk and talk?” Glimmer asks.

“Walk and talk,” responds Adora as she grabs Bow and Glimmer’s hands and drags them away.

-

“So, let me get this straight,” recalls Bow, “You and Catra have known each other pretty much your whole lives, you had a major falling out right before you met us and then you somehow ran into her here of all the places in the country she could be, and then the more time you spent with her the more you realized how desperately and hopelessly gay you were for her this _entire time?_ ” Bow doubles over and catches his breath.

“I don’t know how you didn’t figure it out back in college, to be honest with you,” Glimmer joins nonchalantly, “I mean you didn’t talk about her much but when you did I could see it in your eyes,” she recounts. “I’ve never seen your eyes get that soft before. And yes I’ve looked at your eyes.” 

Adora lifts an eyebrow.

“They’re really pretty, can you blame me?” Glimmer insisted.

“Okay let’s focus!” Bow interrupts, “We need to help Adora. Adora, do you love Catra?”

Adora’s blood rushes to her face and she can’t help but feel embarrassed. “I’m pretty sure. I think...I think I always have, now that I think about it.” A highlight reel of all their precious moments plays in her mind at a thousand miles per minute and even then it’s not enough to keep up with the amount of love and vulnerability they’d only ever shown to each other. “When I’m with her I just feel...seen. Like, for all of me, good and bad. She makes me feel real. I don’t know how else to explain it,” she says affectionately. 

“Adora,” Bow says as he and Glimmer both make puppy eyes, tears on the verge of falling, “That was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” 

Glimmer hugs Adora, “Adora, you know she loves you back, right?”

“Oh, I don’t know about—”

Bow clasps his hand over Adora’s mouth, “Enough. Based on what you’ve told us, and also the times we did see her while you were around, we are confident that Catra loves you just as much as you love her. There, I said it. Glimmer?”

Glimmer stares at Bow and strokes her imaginary beard. “Bow and I just want you to be happy, Adora. We think you should just tell her how you feel and go from there.” 

Unsurprisingly, it’s the best idea Adora’s ever heard. Communication— who would’ve thought? Glimmer could physically see Adora’s train of thought, her facial expressions shifting accordingly and giving her away.

“You’re right!” Adora yells excitedly, “I need to go find her and tell her!”

“—Adora, wait we didn’t mean right now! There’s a storm coming, remember?!” Bow screams, but it’s too late. Adora’s out the door.

“Gosh, she’s an idiot. But I love her,” Glimmer says as she shuts the door and smiles.

-

Catra is getting the van ready for a long trip. She knows that if she stays any longer the urge to ask Adora to stay would just get stronger and she didn’t want to be selfish anymore. So what if there’s a storm, she can make it down the mountain before the brunt of it hits, right? She has to hurry if she wants to leave on time. She’s grabbing two large water jugs when she hears familiar footsteps approaching. 

Adora notices the large canteens and the repacked storage area. “What are you doing?” 

Catra turns around and continues walking, “Getting water.” She quickens her pace; she doesn’t have a lot of time.

Adora is hot on her tail. “You know what I mean, Catra. What are you _really_ doing?”

“I can’t stay,” Catra blurts, “Time to move on. You know, the whole life on the road thing.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, Catra,” Adora curses and Catra is taken aback. “You’re running away and you know it!”

“So what if I am? It’s better this way,” Catra mumbles. “It doesn’t matter what we do about it. You’ll always have to leave and it’s just how things are.” 

_“Catra,”_ Adora chokes, her hand reaching out to cup Catra’s face but stopping just before she does, “Why do things have to be this way?”

Catra is about to respond when a sharp, loud crack slices the atmosphere and a flash of bright light blinds them. It starts pouring not even ten seconds later and before they know it they’re drenched. They sprint towards the van at breakneck speed.

_Damn it, I’m too late. Fuck._

Catra stashes the half-filled canteens into the rear storage area and motions for Adora to get inside. Adora is about halfway in when she stops in her tracks and steps away from the van, her blue eyes ripe with determination and steeled resolve.

“Adora, what are you doing? Get in!” Catra shouts, clearly annoyed by whatever grand gesture Adora was trying to pull.

Adora stands her ground, unmoving, her hair now dripping wet— she might as well have been fished out of a river. “Not until you talk to me.”

Catra dons an expression of disbelief, “Seriously? It’s always so dramatic with you, isn’t it Adora?!” She bellows at the top of her lungs, “Get in the fucking van before I _drag_ you in here!”

Adora straightens up even more. “ _Not_ until you _talk_ to me.”

Catra is so irate at this point that she forces her body outside and braces herself for the inevitable tussle to follow. “I don’t want to talk, Adora,” she bites, “What don’t you get about that? Talking won’t change anything!”

Adora stops for a second, tips her head up to the sky and then looks back at Catra again. She inches forward, slow methodical steps, faint sounds of water sloshing beneath her boots. Catra’s suddenly intimidated; Adora’s emitting a foreign aura, one she has never experienced. Adora backs Catra into a corner, quite literally; she feels cold metal make contact through her wet shirt. For a second, a wave of calm washes over them; it doesn’t last.

“Talk to me, Catra,” begs Adora, her warm breath now inches from Catra’s face, “Please.”

Catra’s paralyzed. “I—” she tries, “I don’t— I don’t want,” she tries looking off to the side, the rain still pounding with fury. “I don’t want to talk,” she says once more but instead of a firm protest, it comes out as a hesitant whisper. 

They’re only centimeters apart now.

Both of their hands move of their own accord like a well-coordinated duet and pull each other into a passionate kiss, the deluge around them fading away until there’s nothing but the softness of their lips, fingers entangled in the mess of the other’s hair. A thunderous boom roars through the sky.

Their kiss blazes with a universe-defying taunt, a living testament of how deep their love runs, a show of defiance and solidarity against a game that was rigged against them from the beginning. Adora is cupping Catra’s cheeks now, the smoldering flame now calming, morphing into something more akin to embers, something tender, calculated and affectionate. They pull away only to catch their breaths, the downpour around them an afterthought. Catra gently reaches for Adora’s face and moves a stray strand of hair off to the side. 

With a gentle smile, Catra lowers her hand to cradle Adora’s and moves to enter their shelter from the storm, a silent invitation of sorts. Adora doesn’t hesitate; she steps inside and shuts the door behind them.

“Well,” Catra laughs, “I’m wet.” 

Adora snorts, “Yeah, same.” Adora can see Catra’s muscles through her wet shirt— when did she get _that_ ripped again? Adora shifts inside the van uncomfortably, partially because of Catra’s _distracting_ body but also because she was soaked from head to toe and it was freezing. 

“We should, uh,” Catra says, not knowing how to start, “We should talk then, huh?” 

Adora’s face shows a brief flash of disappointment, “Yeah, I guess we should.”

Catra flips a switch on her generator and turns up the heat. She pulls out two extra sets of clothes.

“Here,” Catra gestures to a pair of blue workout leggings and a black skin-tight long sleeve, “You should change so you don’t get sick.”

Adora stares at the clothes and then back at Catra. She carefully takes them and their hands brush; Catra’s touch has more electricity than the storm around them.

Catra moves towards the front seat and stays facing the road.

“Catra, what are you _doing?_ ” Adora asks with an almost annoyed tone.

“I’m turning around so you can change, what does it look like I’m doing?”

Adora taps her fingers on the small counter. “You’ve seen me naked a million times— we _lived_ together! We just _kissed!_ ” _Why is she acting so weird?_

Adora creeps closer and closer until there’s only about a half-foot of space separating their cold, drenched bodies. 

Catra’s heart wants to explode. They need to talk before they do this again, but Adora’s shirt is clinging to her body and her abs are showing through and it’s so distracting, so distracting that she doesn’t even notice how suddenly close Adora is. She senses the same hunger in Adora’s eyes, the same aching desire; it strikes her with both fear and excitement. 

_Damn it, Adora, you’re the one who said we need to talk not makeout!_

Their eyes finally meet up close, mere inches from each other. 

_But I want this so bad, I need it._

“Hey, Catra,” Adora wears a devilish grin, her breath tickling Catra’s nose.

_What am I doing? Catra and I need to talk but..._

Catra doesn’t remember how to speak. Instead, she whispers, “Hey, Adora.” 

_I hate everything._

It can’t be helped. Adora drops the clothes in her hands and the world around them vanishes— they’re once again clinging to each other like a lifeline, lips mingling, dancing, setting whatever destiny was forced upon them ablaze. Their hands wander with a mind of their own as they explore every inch of each other’s bodies like a freshly unearthed buried treasure— a desire that has always lied beneath layers of intense jumbled emotions, waiting to be discovered. Adora places one hand on Catra’s hips as the other methodically inches its way up from her lower back, muscles in motion beneath her fingertips. 

Catra gently but yearningly threads her fingers through Adora’s wet hair, slowly making her way down to the nape of her neck. She bites Adora’s lower lip through a devious smile and she can feel the shiver zooming through Adora’s spine. Catra closes the distance more when she puts her knee between Adora’s legs, hungry, greedy for the blonde’s toned body.

Adora’s breath hitches as she senses Catra’s knee wedge itself between her thighs; she can feel herself becoming more and more fervid, each touch and stroke branding her skin with aching desire. Adora’s heart is racing; she’s nervous yet confident— confident in knowing that this is all she’s ever _wanted_ , all she’s ever _needed._ Adora can feel her stomach flutter as she loses herself in Catra’s touch, Catra’s lips, Catra’s scent, each sensation flooding every nook of her mind; it was an endless euphoria.

Catra’s tongue begs for entry and Adora lets her in, deepening the scorching yet tender kiss with impassioned ecstasy. Their tongues dance in flawless synergy; suddenly they’re crashing into the van door, wrestling against the countertop, and, eventually, submitting to Catra’s bed.

Adora starts to rip Catra’s shirt off when she pauses and takes a step back— she wants Catra’s consent before anything can escalate. Catra doesn’t let the thoughtful gesture go unnoticed and in a show of good faith, takes off her own shirt, her sports bra the only thing sheltering her from Adora’s hungry gaze. Adora hovers over Catra against the mattress, both her arms supporting her weight on either side of Catra’s head. Their eyes meet and this time the hunger shifts into something more exposed, a silent statement of undeniable trust. Catra’s hands wrap delicately around Adora’s neck as she brings their lips together once more, this time with delicate, brittle care— an unspoken declaration of their promise, a physical display of vulnerability. 

This kiss is tender, affectionate, their lips no longer dancing with urgency but in a slow waltz; a comforting calm after the storm. Catra pulls Adora down onto the bed so that they’re now facing each other, lips still glued together. They pull apart as their lungs desperately plead for air. 

Their gazes are locked in place and the only thing they can see is each other; at this moment, nothing else matters. The world around them could burn and neither would notice— this is everything they didn’t know they wanted, the culmination of every accidental touch, mind-numbing temptation and lingering curious thought. 

Adora is the first to move, snapping them out of their expeditious makeshift paradise. She turns her body so that her back is to Catra’s front and slowly inches her way backward. Catra accepts the unspoken invitation and places her arm under Adora’s neck, the other cradling her abdomen with a delicate touch she didn’t know she possessed. Their breaths are in sync and it doesn’t matter that their clothes are still drenched— the only warmth they need, the only warmth they want now is each other’s.

The unrelenting barrage of raindrops hammering down around them subsides into a gentle soundscape, and Catra and Adora are lulled to sleep, their expressions lax and full of love and hope.

Before they fade, Catra softly kisses Adora’s neck, and Adora sighs.

-

When they wake up three hours later the storm is calmer. Some time through their afternoon nap, Adora had turned around and buried her face into the crook of Catra’s neck— not that Catra had a problem with it. Not at all. 

Adora’s eyes flutter open and meet the loving gaze of blue and yellow irises. 

“Hey,” Catra whispers, endearment written on her face.

Adora giggles and whispers back, “Hey back,” she begins, “Sleep well?” 

Catra nods, “I actually did. You?” 

“Me too.” 

They stare in silence. Neither wants to bring up the conversation they are actually here for and the events that transpired only further complicates matters. So they stay put and stare, drunk on the fleeting emotions that they know must come to an end soon. 

But _did_ it have to end? 

Adora knows what she wants and since Catra reciprocates, Adora knows she wants the same thing. But how are they going to do this? What, after everything that happened today, will they do from this point forward? There is no going back— they crossed that threshold the second their breaths mingled. 

Realizing that Adora will still have to leave tomorrow, Catra slowly pulls away, her once genuinely fond expression replaced with a merely content facade; in reality, she’s being torn apart. 

“So,” Catra breaks the silence, “We should uh...probably change into something dry huh?” 

Adora senses an abrupt change in her voice, realizing that Catra’s come to the same crossroads that she has. “Yea. We should...change.” 

They hang their damp clothing on a makeshift clothesline Catra improvises with a couple of carabiners and hammock straps. The pair changes into a dry set of clothing, Catra donning black pants and an insulated grey hoodie and Adora, the blue leggings and black long sleeve. The storm clouds are further away now— soon it would be time for Adora to go back and pack her things for her looming departure.

“We should get you back,” Catra laments in resignation, realizing that despite their heated and passionate exchange, nothing changed— Adora is still leaving and Catra is still stubborn. It’s the way things are.

“Catra…” Adora pleads, her demeanor moving to one of concern. Adora gently places her hands on Catra’s arm, carefully caressing her as if she were made of porcelain.

“I can’t be selfish with you, Adora,” Catra finally admits, “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long but...I need to be better. Whatever this is, was— I had fun,” Catra gives a pained smile.

_It’s better this way._

Adora wordlessly pulls away; a strained and nearly silent sob escapes her lips as she opens the door and walks away.

The universe wins again.

**Day 7: Ask Me To Stay**

Adora is leaving today. Catra doesn’t even want to think about it— why does she have to leave again? She knows it’s not a fair question to ask; Adora can’t just leave everything behind on a whim. Well…

_Don’t go there. This isn’t like that._

She doesn’t bother going to the final group activity and farewell party. It’s all meaningless. What’s the point of letting herself love someone who has to leave? Catra curls into an even tighter ball. 

-

She wishes she could just leave everything behind and run away with Catra. She could totally do this whole ‘van life’ thing. She can shower at gyms and fit her clothes into two small drawers and…

It wouldn’t be easy at first, but for Catra she would try. But Catra didn’t ask her to stay. They shared a fiery, defiant kiss and now they would part ways. It wasn’t the start of something new; it was the end of something tragic. One final homage to what could have been. 

Adora’s noticeably disheartened demeanor does not go unnoticed by her friends, hell, even Scorpia can feel something is wrong. Glimmer and Bow share a look of concern, each at a loss on how to console their dear companion. Scorpia joins them.

“So,” begins Scorpia, “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Catra and Adora finally figured it out but now Adora has to leave and they’re both sad about it?”

Glimmer shrugs, “I don’t know why else she’d be like this— she seemed so confident when we talked to her yesterday! Something big must have happened,” she deduces. 

The celebration around Adora is cruel. She feels like the world wants to rub it in her face, shoving her face down into the truth that no matter how much she loves Catra, forces outside their control will pry them apart without fail. While the people around her socialize, smiles and carefree laughter all around, Adora sulks. Bow walks up to her and invites her to take a seat at a nearby table.

Bow shoots, “Why don’t you just ask her to come with you? You know she’s...flexible.” 

Adora opens her mouth to say something but hesitates. Then, “I can’t expect her to follow me everywhere I go— I can’t be selfish with her like that. As much as I wanna be.”

Bow wraps his arm around Adora’s shoulders. “Adora, have you considered that maybe she wants to follow you? Did you even ask?” 

“She’s doing what makes her happy. I live in the city and she’s at home out here. I can’t just leave everything behind and I can’t ask her to do that either.” Adora holds her face in her hands, struggling to hold back tears. “I love her too much for that.” 

Bow wears a soft expression of admiration, “What if you’re what makes her happy?” And then Adora’s head whips up. He can tell she wants to say something, but continues on, “If you make each other happy, isn’t that worth fighting for? You guys survived Weaver— I think you can work something out. If you actually talk about it.” 

Adora realizes Bow’s right. Catra didn’t ask her to stay, and Adora didn’t ask her to come, but that shouldn’t take their options off the table entirely. 

With a newfound determination, Adora swiftly stands up. “Thanks, Bow,” she hugs him, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Bow returns the embrace, “Hey, what are friends for? Plus if this pans out Glimmer owes me fifty bucks.” They laugh in unison, then, “What are you still doing here? Go get your girl!” 

Adora nods and sprints out of the hall faster than she’s ever gone. 

-

“Wildcat?” Scorpia knocks on the van door, “Wildcat, it’s me! Your best pal!”

Nothing.

Time for a different approach.

“She loves you, Catra,” Scorpia affirms, “And I know you love her. I saw her not too long ago and she looks like someone kicked her puppy!” 

A rustle followed by a click is all Scorpia needs to know that her new strategy is working. She opens the door and sees Catra wrapped in a blanket, hair disheveled. 

“Oh, wow, I’m actually in your van! Like, my full body and not just my leg or arm or head— anyway,” Scorpia pretends to dust herself off, “You two have such a strong and special bond...I’d give anything for something even half as good as what you have!” Scorpia’s lower lip quivers, “But Adora is human too, Wildcat. She doesn’t know what you’re thinking. She probably thinks you want her to leave because you didn’t even try!” 

At this, Catra untangles herself from her mess of blankets and sits up. “I can’t just ask her to stay, Scorpia, I can’t just ask her to throw everything away for me.” 

Scorpia facepalms. “Okay, Wildcat, you _know_ I love you, but there is this little thing called _compromise_ ,” she says matter of factly, “And if you both want this as much as I think you do, you’ll figure something out! You always do...and I love that about you.” 

Catra doesn’t remember when the gentle giant wisened up but she’s not complaining. It’s exactly what she needs to hear. What did she do to deserve someone like Scorpia? 

_Scorpia’s right— if I give up now, what was it all for?_

“Hey, Scorpia, do me a favor?”

“Sure thing, Wildcat!”

“Watch the van thanks!” Catra doesn’t bother locking anything, tidying up or even putting on shoes— she just knows she has to _run_.

Scorpia sits awkwardly in the van, a set of keys with a cat keychain in her still open palm. “Don’t mind me! Just gonna sit here...in this van. Alone. Hah.” She looks down at the cat keychain, “You know what, I’m gonna call you Fluffy.”

-

Adora’s rounding a corner at full speed when she collides with a force moving equally as fast, the sound of skulls thumping each other temporarily drowning out the rest of her senses. When she opens her eyes, she sees Catra, hair unkempt, pants partially unbuttoned and— wait where are her shoes?! Their gazes lock, the atmosphere around them teeming with unspoken feelings and tense, nervous excitement.

“I need to tell you something—” they blared in unison. They break into an affectionate giggling fit, the kind reserved for when they were in their own little paradise, their small slice of heaven. 

Adora is the first to stand and her outstretched arm beckons Catra to join her. Catra then takes Adora’s hands in her own— they’re facing each other now, staring into the belly of the beast. Catra can’t take the tension anymore; she needs to rip off the band-aid.

“I’m in love with you, Adora,” she confesses, “I think I’ve always been in love with you. I didn’t know what it was exactly but when I’m with you,” Catra steps closer, “When I’m with you, I don’t know what to do with myself. Everything you do, even when you put your hair in that dumb little hair poof...everything you do makes me love you more and more and I don’t even know how that’s possible because I already love you more than anything in the world.” 

Adora’s crying and Catra can feel herself fighting an uphill battle while holding back her tears. 

Catra pauses and takes another deep breath. “When I thought I lost you for good I wanted to smack myself so hard for being stupid. And when I thought I lost you again I was ready to give up. I never wanna do that again, Adora. So whatever this is, whatever happens...promise me we’ll work through it together,” she pleads. “Because I can’t be without you again, I just can’t.”

Adora gave up on not crying a long time ago. How could she not cry? Catra is declaring her love, baring her soul for her out in the open. Catra rarely talks about her feelings in private, let alone anywhere public, and yet here she is, standing in front of Adora, hair messy and without shoes or a care in the world. The best part? Adora is in love with her, too. 

Adora doesn’t know how to respond— words have always been her weak point. So instead of making some grand proclamation of everlasting love, Adora does what she does best. 

Adora pulls her in for a caring and affectionate kiss, still lit with passion, but also something else— vulnerability. Adora lets Catra in without resistance or reservations and Catra lets Adora in without any regard to the world around them.

They pull away for air, both gasping with buoyant smiles keeping them afloat in a sea of uncertainty and not knowing what the future holds, but having faith that no matter what they would win in the end.

Adora puts her and Catra’s heads together and whispers, “Ask me to stay.”

Catra blinks. “What?”

“Ask me to stay.”

Catra doesn’t know what kind of game Adora’s playing but goes along with it anyway. “Stay. Stay, Adora.”

And Adora smiles at the reassurance that Catra wants her there, wants to be with her always. “It’s going to take me a little bit of time, you know, with work and the logistics of it all,” she starts, “But I— I’ll go with you anywhere, Catra. Wherever you go, I go. We’ll find a way to make it work.” She presses an innocent peck to Catra’s forehead, “I promise.” 

And the world is right again, everything is radiant and full of life and Catra wants to stay in this moment forever and ever. But she has a life to live, a life with Adora to live, and the only way now is forward.

“I love you, Adora.”

“I love you too, Catra.” 

**Present Day // February 10th**

“And that’s why I pretty much left everything behind and moved into a van.” Catra states confidently. “I mean the road trip capabilities were also just too good to pass up, but, um, yeah.” 

The two women remain unmoving, their expressions unreadable, until— 

“That was...such a touching story,” Mara cried, her chest welling and eyes starting to gloss over, “You two have been through so much together!” 

Catra’s leg shakes faster and faster, the welling anxiety in her chest about to burst any minute now. “Yeah, we really have...which is actually why I’m here.” Catra pulls out a small wooden box with an engraving on the side. Mara and Hope’s eyes widen in shock as they realize just what it means. 

“I want to marry Adora,” she begins, newfound confidence booming in her voice, “I don’t usually know how these kinds of things work and I...I mean to be honest I live in a van half the time so you already know I don’t exactly play by the rules—” she’s rambling, nervous. She clears her throat, “Sorry. Look, Mara, Hope. I want to marry Adora. I moved into a van because something in my life didn’t feel right. And at first, it was amazing but then the hole was still there.” Catra paces and takes a deep breath, “Then I ran into Adora at that retreat and it was like...it was like something snapped into place but not like anything new. God I’m being so cheesy right now but it was like,” she pauses, trying to think of a worthy comparison, “It was like I finally knew what coming home felt like. I don’t really know how else to explain it, but I love her. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been sure of.” 

Now Hope is tearing up. “Oh, Catra,” she sighs, looks at Catra, then at Mara. The mothers share an unspoken dialogue and nod. 

“You make Adora so happy,” begins Hope, “I’ve never heard her voice sound so upbeat! And I think you're a big reason for that,” she smiles at Mara. 

Mara chimes in, “You went as far as moving into a van and leaving everything behind to find happiness,” she smiles, “I think I trust you more than _anyone_ to make Adora happy. And for her to make _you_ happy, because you deserve just as much.” 

Hope concludes, “We’d be honored to have you as our daughter, too.” They share a tender embrace through tears of joy. Catra is relieved and lighter than she’s ever felt her whole life.

_You were wrong, Weaver._

**Present Day // Valentine’s Day**

It was a challenge, but Catra and Adora managed to work out a pretty decent arrangement and their relationship has thrived ever since. They’ve been going steady since the retreat, more than steady, actually— they’re the happiest they’ve ever been and it’s not going to stop anytime soon. Not if Catra has anything to say about it.

Their living situation was unique: Catra split her time between the city and a coastal town an hour away. She was brought on as a financial consultant for a firm, which allowed her a far more flexible schedule that worked with her lifestyle; she would spend the three days she needed to be in the city at Adora’s apartment, and then she would go back to the coast for the remaining four days, working remotely for two. They alternated weekends: one weekend Adora would go stay with Catra in the van and Catra would spend the next weekend at Adora’s. It was a win-win situation, really— one of the best possible outcomes that allowed them both to get what they wanted _and_ needed.

Now they’re at the beach on an unusually hot February afternoon, van doors open, folding chairs out and one frustrated blonde on a slackline.

“Hah, all this time practicing and you still can’t make it all the way across. C’mon Princess, what’s going on?” Catra teasingly antagonizes Adora, who is clumsily trying to balance on the same slackline that reunited them. 

Adora shoots a playful glare over at Catra, who simply smirks in response. “How about you give me a hand then, Catra?” 

Catra’s smirk somehow gets even bigger as she makes her way to Adora’s side. She’s holding Adora’s hand, guiding her across to the other end. They continue this for another fifteen minutes before Catra decides to put her plan into motion. Adora thinks she spots Glimmer among the crowd of beachgoers but pays no mind. Adora steps onto the line once more.

“Guide me again?” 

Catra playfully grunts, “You’re so needy. Fine.”

Adora places her hand on Catra’s but stumbles when she feels something hard and sharp poke her palm; the sudden shock sends them both tumbling to the ground and Catra is in disbelief. As if on cue, a hidden Scorpia reveals herself from behind the van holding a camera. “Congratulations! Aw I’m so happy for you two—”

“ _SCORPIA YOU’RE EARLY!_ ” Catra panics, “Ugh, this is _not_ how this was supposed to go.”

Adora’s focus goes from Catra to Scorpia to Catra again before she asks, “Uh, Catra? What’s going on?”

Catra stands and pulls Adora up with her. “I guess this will be a good story for later, huh?” Catra says as she chuckles. 

Before Adora can process what Catra means, Catra is on one knee, and everything hits Adora like a pile of bricks.

“Adora,” Catra says, “I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you. And I’ll be honest, when I lost you all those years ago, I felt like part of me died. I felt like I was just...empty.” Adora’s eyes gloss over as Catra continues, “Then I ran into you at that dumb retreat and it’s honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

A crowd slowly forms around them, the people clutching their chests in admiration and awe and taking video on their phones. Neither Catra or Adora are used to being in the spotlight nor do they enjoy it but they don’t even notice— the only thing they can see is each other and their lovestruck visages.

Catra pulls the ring out of the box. “Adora, you’re not just my girlfriend— you’re my best friend and I trust you with my life. It’s always been you, Adora. You’re it for me. And I know I’m stubborn and impulsive and I know there’s still so much we need to work through but I want to work through everything with you. I never want to do anything without you by my side again. So...will you marry me?”

At some point during Catra’s speech, the crowd grew exponentially. There were even some professional photographers with zoom lenses taking photos from a distance. Adora finally noticed the people surrounding them and all at once her blood gushed up into her tear-streaked cheeks.

“Catra, I,” Adora says, “I love you, Catra. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything. I can’t imagine my life without you and I love how much you challenge me and I even love your dumb pranks and your obsession with applesauce. I love waking up next to you and holding you, and…” Adora’s so happy that her knees cave and she’s suddenly level with her girlfriend, “You see me, Catra. And it means the world to me, I—” 

And then Adora does something completely unexpected and pulls out a tiny velvet bag from her back pocket. She opens it and inside lies a ring. “I’ve been kind of playing with fire and kept this in my pocket for the past couple months just in case...well, I wanted it to be perfect but it already is,” Adora says through a smile, “Catra, will _you_ marry me?”

And now the crowd is going wild, the cheers are booming and they’re suddenly attuned to the world around them. Catra gives Adora a mischievously cheeky smile through tears of excitement.

“So—” Catra says, “That’s a yes, right?”

Adora giggles and then, “Only if it’s a yes from you.”

They slip the rings onto each other’s fingers, and Catra pulls them both up. They observe the crowd around them once more and instinctively press their bodies closer. Catra laces their fingers together and rearranges their bodies into a couple’s dance.

She dips Adora and then, “You know I can never say no to you. Now, you wanna give ‘em a show?” and before Catra can even finish Adora closes the distance and the cheers come from all around.

They pull away, but before Adora can kiss her once more, Catra whispers something into Adora’s ear.

“Hey. Just so you know, every day feels like Valentine’s Day when I’m with you,” Catra says, “But just because today is special...Happy Valentine’s Day, Adora. Now and always.”

Always and forever.

_Fin_

-

**BONUS:**

Blending in with the crowd, Bow and Glimmer had followed Catra and Adora when they found out about the proposal; surprisingly, Catra texted Glimmer asking for advice. Then, the duo made a bet.

“See I told you she’d say yes!”

“Bow, we both knew she’d say yes. I don’t know why I owe you fifty dollars again! And they proposed to each other!” 

“Hey wait, were we betting on Wildcat and Adora? No one told me!”

Glimmer groans. “UUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!”

**DOUBLE BONUS:**

“Catra, does this box say ‘lunch’?” 

“Wait— what?! No, it says ‘love’ you dummy. It’s written in that language from that stupid show you’re obsessed with, I had this custom engraved!”

Adora chuckles and presses a gentle kiss on Catra’s lips.

“Mmm. Sorry babe. It says lunch.”

“MOTHERFU—”


End file.
